Men and The Goddess

I have struggled with this post; you may have noticed that I did not post this part of the review last Monday, choosing instead to post Rosemary’s Mother’s Day message link. And I didn’t post yesterday, on schedule, either. The cause of my struggle is Chapter 5 of Matthew Fox’s book on Men and Spirituality, subtitled Ten Metaphors to Awaken the Sacred Masculine. Is it inevitable that when talking about and writing about men and spirituality the notion of warrior has to be raised? The title of Chapter 5 is “Spiritual Warriors”.  I knew it was coming; Fox referred to the notion in earlier chapters, but somehow I was hoping he would thread his way carefully through this swamp and avoid the pitfalls. Sad to say, he didn’t.

OK, I don’t like war. I am probably not a pacifist in the strictest sense of the word. I am currently reading the poetry of William Stafford who refused to fight in World War 2; he had his very good reasons. Had I been a young man then I may have taken up arms against the fascism that had taken over too much of the world at that time. Instead I was born at the very end of that war just days before this country dropped the two atomic bombs on Japan. Perhaps the impact of those bombs somehow vibrated through my young being setting up an abhorrence of war. In any case I have been opposed to all of the wars I have been old enough to fight in; I consider them the highest folly of human-kind and an absurd waste of resources, not the least of which is human life, that most precious “commodity” this planet has yet produced.

So, when I read about spiritual warfare I am repulsed. Intellectually I can understand that this is a metaphor, that the term warrior is meant to represent strength and determination to stand for something good, righteous, just. And yet I struggle. For me war is an act of separation. It is about “us against them”. It is a reinforcement of the duality and a staging of one side of that duality aggressively opposing with the intent to annihilate the other side. But if we live in a dualistic world how can we ever hope to annihilate one side and still remain whole ourselves!?

Fox’s Chapter 5 is a meandering attempt to soften the whole notion of the warrior through anecdotal reports of others who he calls warriors but in my mind are far from it. He begins with Thomas Berry who “talks about the need for ‘the Great Work.’ What is this Great Work? It is ‘the task of moving modern industrial civilization from its present devastating influence on the Earth to a more benign mode of presence.’” I couldn’t agree more! Fox further quotes Berry as saying: “‘The nobility of our lives, however, depends upon the manner in which we come to understand and fulfill our assigned role.’” Again, I couldn’t agree more! But then Fox leaps to: “Noble warriors are called for. The archetype of the spiritual warrior helps to answer in a constructive way two issues raised so far: What to do with male aggression? What to do with competition? How to steer both into healthy directions?”

So, the call here is to “fight” the “devastating influence on the Earth” with aggression and competition in order to move toward “a more benign mode of presence”! Oh, and to do it nobly, of course! This is the age old call to “fight fire with fire”. Berry calls us to move to a “benign mode of presence” and Fox requires spiritual warfare to accomplish this move. I don’t think this will happen. So, from the outset of this chapter Fox falls into the trap I saw him heading toward and when he falls in he loses me. And I channeled my own aggression and sense of competition right into his points, his stories, his style, and his cavalier way of conflating the “warrior” and the “lover”.

Fox attempts to draw a stark boundary between soldier and warrior: a soldier follows the orders of an officer; a warrior follows orders of his soul. He claims “the warrior unlike the soldier is a lover.” And, “the warrior relates to God as a lover.” This chapter is peppered with non sequiturs; in the context of the soldier/warrior argument he states: “I believe the confusion of soldier and warrior feeds militarism and the reptilian brain. It’s also an expression of homophobia, since I suspect that heterosexism is behind much of the continued ignorance and fear of the real meaning of warriorhood.” Huh? What did I miss here in this leap?

In this chapter Fox rambles on with several stories about people he has known or interviewed who he believes are spiritual warriors. As I read them I kept waiting for how they waged war. For the most part they are or were strong in their beliefs and generous of spirit; they worked diligently to move humanity toward a “more benign mode of presence.” But I did not see them waging war. As one example he tells the story of Bhante Dharmawara, a Buddhist monk, meditation teacher and healer. He quotes a friend of Bhante’s as saying: “‘There is no heart that doesn’t melt in his presence, and people leave him with their minds open to the infinite possibilities that living a life of awareness can bring.’” And then Fox say: “A spiritual warrior indeed.” [and here's another non sequitur] “Bhante served and transformed his fear and aggression into such peace-sharing and peace-giving that even the wild animals respected him.” I wonder how Bhante would feel about this “spiritual warrior” label.

Am I overly sensitive here about waging war for the sake of peace? Hasn’t every war ever fought been in some way justified by the call for peace? For me the term “spiritual warrior” is a divisive term. It contains the word “war” and implies warfare. War separates. Peace requires a joining together. How can an act of separation ever bring people together? How can any kind of fight move humanity toward a “more benign mode of presence”?

In Chapter 6: “Masculine Sexuality, Numinous Sexuality” Fox regains my attention and respect. (And, don’t get me wrong here; I may argue with this notion of spiritual warriors and still respect Matthew Fox. In fact, I think he struggled himself with Chapter 5; it doesn’t flow well, the non sequiturs are examples of his struggle to make his point. His stories of people, e.g. Bhante Dharmawara, do not make his point. But enough on Chapter 5!) In chapter 6 Fox presents an excellent argument for men to get in touch with their sexuality as a gateway to their spirituality. This may be the best part of the book to this point. And he waxes eloquent at the end of the chapter as he concludes:

“I believe, beyond being heterosexual, homosexual, or bisexual, that we are pansexual. Ultimately, embracing the archetype of the lover means recovering our pansexuality, which nurtures and feeds all our relationships, including our humanly sexual ones.

“Sexuality is sacred because it is bigger than all of us. That is also why it is irrepressible, funny, fun, amazing, surprising, generative, serious, playful, mystical, and unpredictable. It is one area in our relationship with the cosmos and with Father Sky that has never fully succumbed to anthropocentric mastering and control. Sexuality thrusts us into a relationship with the cosmos. Which is a big part of its appeal. A big part of our staying alive. A big part of the joy of living.”

It is good that Fox follows chapter 5 with a chapter on the Numinous Sexual Man. Robert Moore places the Lover archetype on the opposite end of the Warrior archetype axis in his quadrilateral model. It is a direction of growth and evolution to move from the warrior stage to the lover stage. Isn’t it more likely that we can love our way toward a “more benign mode of presence” than fight our way toward that high state of consciousness? Can’t we channel our aggressive and competitive tenancies into a pansexual, generative relationship with the cosmos? I, for one, would like to try; I’d like to throw out the whole notion of war, warfare and warriorhood as we move toward a higher stage of consciousness.

We are in the final “death throes” of the old Moon; she dies and is reborn tonight at 7:04 Mountain Time. She will remain hidden from us for three days in her newness; she will be residing in the Underworld during that time. Watch for her in the early evening as she reappears over the western horizon as a shy, barely-there sliver of silver.

In these final hours of the old Moon it is not too late to throw out “stuff” that no longer serves you. The “stuff” can be material things, but it is more often things like old habits, old thinking, old practices, old emotions, old “recordings in our heads” that replay messages that no longer serve. Some of mine are: “I don’t have time for that” and “I’m not good enough to do that.” Clear away the old to make room for the new.

As I drew cards today my intention was to set the energy for this New Moon in Taurus. Kuan Yin is the Goddess of Compassion. The words Dr. Doreen Virtue has her say are: “Release judgments about yourself and others, and focus on the love and light that is within everyone.” Judgment is always a good thing to release…what better time to do so than at this very moment as the moon wanes to nothingness. Let the judgments go into that void; let them fall into the Sun as the Moon does as it goes conjunct with the Sun and disappears in Her brilliance, the brilliance of Sekhmet whom we met in Tuesday’s post. Dr. Virtue focuses the message of Kuan Yin on the self first and then others. She says Kuan Yin helps us to “release guilt and shame to Heaven for healing and transmutation” – yes, let the old Moon have it and transmute it in the fires of the Sun. She also says “don’t be so hard on yourself or others; release perfectionistic tendencies.”  This is particularly good for me to hear and perhaps many men who struggle with doing the right thing, being all that we are called to be in this very complex time of transition we are living through. Let go of getting it perfect and realize you are doing the best you can under the circumstances.

From the Grandmothers I drew Woman Connecting Time and Space of Woman’s Lodge. I have included the picture of this Woman to bring alive the image of this connection. She says: “I live in the Mystery. I am trusting of the unseen world, but I have difficulty with the seen world. I joined the lodge knowing that in joining with other women we could bridge these two worlds and become balanced and whole in both.” One of the things we are called to do is to let go of our fear. As the Moon goes dark she descends into the Underworld, the Mystery; she does not fear! All will be well; she will return; the cycles of birth and life and death are repeated throughout the “seen world” just as they are repeated in our own experiences. Growth in consciousness is part of the cycle of life. Connecting time and space is an expansion of consciousness. And it is a reminder of our vertical connection between the Earth (Time) and Heaven (Space). As humans we stand at the intersection of immanence and transcendence. And we are called to balance in this position.

So, as we go into the New Moon energy be compassionate toward, first, yourself, and then others; see the light inside you reflected in the presence of others. And remember we are all standing on this balance point between the physical world of time and the metaphysical world of mystery- utter expansiveness and deepest void.

The Mystic Message for the week is about signs from the Universe. Whether these are things that show up in our lives as confirmation, or they are serendipitous events that “just happen” (I haven’t used the word “coincidence” since I read the Celestine Prophecy a lot of years ago), or answers to questions we might have, the Universe is out there to respond to us. We live in a reflexive Universe full of wonder, power, and, yes, answers for us. All we have to do is ask, and then listen/watch for the Universe’s response; another way of saying this: “We are the Universe, and the Universe is us.” (sort of like that old Pogo cartoon where Pogo the Possum says: “We have met the enemy and he is us.” (published on Earth Day 1971).

Do you have a reflexive relationship with the Universe? The Divine Feminine are suggesting we need to “watch for the daily messages from the Universe. And I’d go even farther and suggest we need to “ask” for daily messages. This is a great way to hone our intuitive skills. Ask and then listen. There are many ways to listen: inside, to what your heart or gut or another part of your body might be saying; in nature, to animals showing up or trees waving, or a stream running, or the ocean roaring; just being as you go about your day, someone calls, a package shows up, you get an appointment you were hoping for.

You can also be very direct, as I’m doing on Tuesdays and Thursdays on this blog by using oracle cards or other forms of divination. Go to yesterday’s post to see how meaningful and accurate oracle cards can be. Or get out a pendulum and ask it (and your body) to give you answers; muscle testing is a form of divination not unlike using a pendulum; and there are more esoteric forms of divination, including one of my favorites: the I Ching. One of the keys with any of these tools is to formulate your question or intention carefully. The Universe can get pretty specific, so try to be as direct and specific in your request as possible.

There are also forms of active meditation that can provide answers to questions you may have for the Universe. One of my practices is journaling in the form recommended by Julia Cameron in The Artist’s Way. I write three long-hand pages in a notebook every morning (at least I try to). For me this becomes a meditation and I often just write what comes to me, without really thinking about it; I simply relax and let the pen write the words. There are many answers to be found in these scribblings. An approach Rosemary suggests is to write down a question with your dominant hand then answer the question with your non-dominant hand. This is a way to activate the intuitive part of the brain. (I would do this but my handwriting with my left hand is so bad I couldn’t read the answer!)

And there are very direct and active ways to seek answers such as Shamanic Journeying, holotropic breath work, yoga asanas, trance dancing, hypnosis, drug induced trance states, etc. All of these approaches I would call reflexive in nature; they are ways to seek answers from our Higher Self, the Cosmos, the greater Collective Conscious of which we are a part.

What kind of relationship do you have with the Universe? I hope it is a trusting one in which you feel supported and your questions are answered. “Watch for the daily messages.”

I’m in the middle of reading and reviewing Matthew Fox’s book on Men and Spirituality; the subtitle is Ten Metaphors to Awaken the Sacred Masculine. In this second installment I’ll look at the  two metaphors, or archetypes, Fox covers in Chapters 3 and 4: “Icarus and Daedalus” and “Hunter-Gatherers.”

I enjoyed Chapter 3 because Fox gets into the stories describing the archetypes which makes the reading much more enjoyable. In addition to the Icarus/Daedalus duo Fox includes the stories of Phaëthon and La Traviata to illustrate his points. The main topic of this chapter is Father/Son relationships and how communications between generations, especially Father/Son communications can go so horribly wrong.  The range of mis-communications here is from not heeding a father’s warnings, to the absentee and then over-indulgent father, to the father who interferes with a son’s love-relationship. These issues are good representations of Father/Son issues. Yet, while the stories are good reminders of “how not to behave” I felt a bit abandoned with the problems at the end of the chapter without a lot of support for “how to be in right relationship” (as in my case) with sons. His only advice at the very end of the chapter is: “[Both] need to remain open and receptive to each other, unafraid to fly and unafraid to learn.” Hmmm…a pretty simplistic and shallow recipe for improved Father/Son relationships.

And why is this important? Much of the Mythopoetic Men’s Movement rests on a core teaching that the world is screwed up by men because they have not had good fathering. Robert Bly’s major thesis revolves around the Father/Son relationship and how we must address and heal that relationship for any real progress to be made either sociologically or spiritually. Now I will reserve final judgment on this chapter until I’ve finished Fox’s last two metaphors, Earth Father and Grandfather Sky. The danger of reviewing as I read is I don’t yet have a full comprehension of Fox’s analysis.

Chapter 4 is an interesting, if rather long and sometimes a bit of a stretch, exploration of the Hunter-Gatherer archetype.  Fox meanders through an homage to hunter-gatherers as intelligent, living in a paradise rich in fruit and game, with little time devoted to the pursuit of food and much time left over for arts, ritual, celebration of spirit and life. Oh, and he does reference the potential for violence in this idyllic wilderness living. And ultimately he comes close to that trap I mentioned on Monday of calling on the warrior archetype as the “Hunters for Justice: Spiritual Warriors.” The stretch I refer to is when he begins to apply the Hunter-Gatherer metaphor to modern life. And the limb he goes out on the furthest is when he attempts to apply the metaphor to our cars! He asks: “Is there a nostalgic connection between cars and our ancient  hunter-gatherer souls?” Well, for me the answer is, “no” my car is just a means for getting me from place to place; and my feet would work OK if I didn’t have the distances to deal with!

I think the point Mr. Fox is trying to make is the Hunter-Gatherer archetype is still a motivator at our core. Some men love to hunt, fish, compete in sports, maintain physical fitness, drive fast cars, provide well for their family, and still have time for ritual, spiritual exploration and fulfillment, and creative pursuits. And yes, some men still have an urge to violence, especially when provoked. It is good to explore this archetype within us, whether we have buried it beneath a veneer of “civilization” or whether we wear it on the surface of our macho, fit physiques. How does the archetype motivate us and how do we control it? Most importantly how can we get in touch with the soul of this archetype who cares for nature and learns to find harmony in all things natural without destroying that which sustains us and loves us?

And speaking of the “Spiritual Warrior”  archetype…that’s his next chapter. I hope he avoids the trap I’m concerned about. I’ll let you know on Monday how successful he is!

I love these oracle card days; I get so much information from the cards which are always telling me what I need to hear. I hope they are useful for you as well. My intention when I draw them is to seek and offer sound advice for the days going forward.

Today I thought about Thursday being the “new Friday” as the weekend approaches; and both cards I drew are about renewal! And as we are still in a Mercury retrograde period, until May 11 it is a great time to rest and relax. My good friend and astrologer, Chris Largent, has this to say about this time: “If we all hang in there until Tuesday at about 6:30 pm (actually 6:27 pm EDT), the Mercury retrograde will be over.  So, let’s try not to react too much (and stay away from people who trigger us), AND let’s also get plenty of rest and play (in the ancient world, cultures often just took these times off – what an idea, eh?).  And please keep in mind that this is a good time for reflection and contemplation.  So, if we slow things down as often as we can – if only for a few minutes – and treat ourselves to something relaxing, this could be a rewarding time (astrologers have to say things like that in times that are a pain in the neck).”

Sulis, a “Celtic Sun Goddess who oversees bodies of water associated with healing”, says: “Spend time near bodies of water, such as a lake, river, or the ocean, to recharge your batteries.” Water is both a purifying agent and the element that holds our emotions. Dr. Doreen Virtue writes: “Water can wash away sadness, pain, and the ill effects of  suffering. Engage in purification rituals involving water more often, and you’ll experience an uplifting in your spirit and outlook.”

Grandmother White Lamb Woman is of the Lodge of Dirctions North. She says: “I was born from White Fire with wisdom, grace and abundance. I offer clarity so your spirit may be restored and renewed.” She is a beauty with smooth, unblemished features and dressed in a lovely robe of white angora wool and a headdress of white and black striped feathers. To gaze on her countenance is to feel the relaxation and peace of restoration.

As the weekend approaches consider taking time to relax and rejuvenate. If you are near water take time, even a few moments, to meditate and let go of any disturbing emotions – let the water wash them away. Or soak in a tub and purify both body and spirit as Sulis and White Lamb Woman sooth away any stress or pain. And while Mercury is retrograde do this as often and as much as you can!

As always this week’s Mystic Message from The Divine Feminine channeled to Rosemary is an important one to hear and consider. I think it is an especially important one for men who, at first thought, may consider this too feminine, too “airy-fairy” for “real men.”

Here’s my take. Men find it difficult to talk about LOVE. How many movies have you seen where the “girl” wants to hear it and the “boy” refuses to say it? Heck, there’s even a movie with the title “Three Little Words.” Why is it so hard for men to say: “I love you”? And if we can’t bring ourselves to say these words to those with whom we are closest, how much more difficult is it to talk about love and “Love Vibration.” Wow!

But here I am to talk about it. And I believe our phobia about this word, and words surrounding it like “vibration” and “frequency” just might be at the very core of men’s issues with spirituality. This blog is all about Goddess energy; and Goddess energy is all about Love. (And, yes, I do realize many of the Goddesses can be very fierce; Pele who came to us yesterday is an example. But this fierceness is always powered by Love.)

Rosemary has been bringing in the Feminine Energy of Love and channeling Messages from The Divine Feminine for nearly 20 years. The core teaching of all these messages is about Love. Love is the force in the Universe which is the most powerful. Many have written that the Universe was “Loved into Existence” (e.g. Brian Swimme in The Universe is a Green Dragon: “THOMAS: Yes, that’s right. The journey out of emptiness is the creation of love.”).

OK, I’ve leaped from romantic love to Cosmic Love in one paragraph. My point is that Love is the power behind the creative Universe and the creation of the Universe itself. We need to get comfortable with this and respect this power. If the Universe, and humanity within the Universe, was created with Love then there is something really special about all of this. And it starts with self.

The Divine Feminine when speaking of Love, evolution, lifting of consciousness, often begin with “love of self.” And if Love is at the core of the issues men have with Spirituality then love of self is the crux of those issues. In a man’s world it is tough to talk about love. And in a man’s inner world it is tough to consider self-love. “Tough” – we are raised to be tough, competitive, hard, aggressive, strong. We develop hard shells, thick skins, armored hearts. We become “unlovable” For some of us it is almost an intention to be unlovable. Within that hard shell it is very difficult to love oneself.

And then you may ask, “so, do I have to become soft in order to get in touch with love”? This gets into the whole argument of the various men’s movements I have talked about and that Joseph Gelfer in his book critiques. The claim by some, if not all, of these movements is that men have become soft, somehow “feminized.” And it is time to take back our “rightful” place as heads of families. Neither Dr. Gelfer nor I buy this argument. I think men in general are still pretty hard, especially on the outside. And I think it is time to examine this facade, this shell of hardness which defends against intrusion into a space of fear, grief, loathing, despair and self-neglect. The shell is not our strength but our weakness. The self-loathing is not a way to harden ourselves but our greatest vulnerability. It is this inner core of self-disregard which needs to be examined.

It all starts with an inward look at feelings. And when we first take this look we need to be open to all the feelings, including despair and loathing. These are not to be judged but simply examined and acknowledged. We have been led to these feelings by many forces. And most of these forces do not hold our best interests to heart. With an understanding that we are who we are at this moment, for whatever reason or series of events, we can begin to take a step toward self-forgiveness. And we can apply Rosemary’s “mantra for life” to ourselves: “Everyone (including I/We) is doing the best they can at any given moment with the resources they have in that moment.” In fact if we truly are doing the best we can then there is nothing to forgive. And this is the opening for self-love. And as we gain resources through this kind of examination then we, by definition, will do better in the next moments.

Love is a four-letter-word which we men do not use often enough. If we begin using it more we will become stronger. It is a creative word. It is a powerful word. “Soft men” don’t know how to use it; “real men” know how to get in touch with the energy, the vibration, the strength of the word. We are waking up and as we do we uplift our love vibrations to unplumbed heights and offer our strength of purpose to The Divine.

I missed posting yesterday; I postponed it while I was immersed in other projects. Fortunately I got a lot done, including some thinking about the direction for this blog. While I have really enjoyed posting my comments on the books I’m reading, especially my series on Joseph Gelfer’s book on Men and Spirituality, I have to streamline what this is about and also perhaps focus it a bit better.

That said I do plan to continue my reviews on what I’m reading of a spiritual nature, especially as my choices relate to men and spirituality. So, starting next week Mondays and Fridays will be given to book reviewing, and since I’m in the middle of Matthew Fox’s The Hidden Spirituality of Men I will write a series of reviews on the “Metaphors” (really archetypes) he discusses to “awaken the Sacred Masculine”. I’m sure the title alone sends a shiver up Dr. Gelfer’s spine!

On Wednesdays I will continue to comment on the The Mystic Message as channeled to Rosemary by The Divine Feminine and published each week in her Ezine and on her blog (www.wisdomconnections.net). This leaves Tuesdays and Thursdays for something new! I am going to pick up a practice I did  a few years ago and share it online. For most of 2002 I drew three “oracle cards” each morning and recorded them in a journal. I wrote out a synopsis of their meanings, pulled out a theme from the three and then related them to my day. Looking back through that journal today, I recall how powerful, helpful and meaningful those cards were for me as I was living through a rather chaotic period then. I used three decks: an old Osho deck, the Voyager Tarot deck, and a deck of “Grandmother Cards”.

We have a new deck this year that Rosemary and I have both been enjoying: it is Doreen Virtue’s “Goddess Guidance Oracle Cards.” I plan to start using this deck each Tuesday and Thursday for multiple purposes:

1) the main purpose is to get a sense for the week from the oracles the Goddesses offer;
2) each card and the booklet with the deck teaches something about the Goddesses, something for all of us to learn;
3) with time we may begin to see patterns in the cards drawn which may inform how the months and year are unfolding.

I also plan to draw a Grandmother Card each day with the thought that they may amplify what the Goddesses have to offer and may also bring forward some ancient wisdom from the Native American Grandmothers represented in this deck.

OK, so I realize today is Friday, but I want to get started with this project. I also want to set an intention for this project, as noted above. So I will draw a Goddess Card and a Grandmother Card today to see what guidance they offer as we begin.

Goddess Card: Ostara – Fertility
The quote on the card is “It is the perfect time for you to start new projects, access new ideas, and give birth to new conditions.” See how this works!

Grandmother Card: Dancing Morning Star of the Wise Women
She says: “I love to dance, and the dance taught me how to be a wise woman. To dance you must discard everything but the music you feel in your body. So I released all distractions and moved in radiance to the beat of my own heart and I expanded to the stars.”

I think we are off to a good start! Ostara is the Goddess for whom the direction East, rising Sun, and Easter are named. She represents the return of light and new growth. She is a Teutonic Goddess of fertility and Spring. What better Goddess can we call upon to help with our new project! And today is Beltane Eve, the day the fires a lit on hill and mountain tops to celebrate the return of the Sun.

Dancing Morning Star says this is a time to dance, to celebrate the Sun’s return, new growth, Spring, May Day! Shall we dance the Sun up tomorrow to honor his return? Shall we turn to the East, remembering Ostara, and offer our thanks and praise for the glorious light and warmth of him who gives us life?

One of Dr. Virtue’s meanings for the Ostara Card is “Your new idea or venture will be successful.” Yes, I think She (Ostara) will help make it so!

This week’s message, channeled by Rosemary, as last week’s, is also a very good one for men to hear! “Find the joy”! How often do we get bogged down in work issues and fail to look for joy? How often are we so wrapped up with personal problems, social justice issues, political engagement, financial concerns, family crises, …, you name it and there is something to take us into dark places, our “man’s cave”, where we can hope to escape from the pressures of post-modern life! But what if we take a moment, take a breath, pause for one conscious instant and ask: “can I find joy here”?

And the answer The Divine Feminine gives us: “There is joy to be found in every moment of your time on Planet Earth if you will but search for the joy instead of dwelling on the painful aspects of that moment.”

Is it really that simple or is this another “Pollyanna” perspective that has no basis in reality? It can be that simple with the tools available to us. And here’s a really simple one for you to practice. Rosemary taught this technique this past weekend during her workshop/playshop on applying Conscious Confidence to decision making. During one of the segments we worked on moving from foveal vision to peripheral vision. Foveal vision is focused, concentrated vision along a central axis to a sharp and limited field of view. We tend to move into this form of vision when we are worried, anxious, scared, concentrating on an issue or problem. And it is in this mode of seeing that our fight or flight mechanism is easily triggered. The opposite of foveal vision is peripheral vision which we can move into simply by relaxing our focus, letting the eyes relax and expand. As we lose focus or defocus our vision we can begin to see well beyond the central line of sight. If we let go entirely of focus several things happen physiologically: we lose the fight or flight mechanism; we begin to significantly extend our field of vision, easily to 180 degrees and even more; and we can even see beyond the purely physical. What I mean by this last point is we move much more easily into our intuitive sight, even opening our third eye.

Hawaiian spirituality labeled this type of seeing “hakalau.” Here is a good website for explaining the technique and applying it as a meditation approach: HAKALAU.  I frequently go into hakalau when I want to see more than what is just in front of me. A very practical application is when driving and sitting at a red light: I go into hakalau to view the entire intersection and to see, after my light turns green, that it is safe to proceed.

Sometimes when we are “focused” on a problem or issue it is difficult to see “joy” in that moment, even though The Divine Feminine says “there is joy to be found in every moment.” However, if we can pause in those anxious moments to go into hakalau, even for a moment, we are likely to see in the periphery of our vision something to bring a smile and create a sense of joy.

I hope you have a chance to try it. It works for me!

As I read along in Dr. Gelfer’s book I seem to move, for me, into ever newer territory. I have had a reasonable amount of experience with the Mythopoetic Men’s Movement; I have serious grounding in Christianity and some experience with men’s ministries; I have read Wilber to a reasonable extent and am at least conversant with the Integral Model. However, while I have a number of gay friends we have never had any conversations about spirituality in the gay world. The closest I have come is an exchange with my gay Wiccan cousin [see an earlier post and his comment]. Chapter 6 of Joseph Gelfer’s book: Numen, Old Men: Contemporary Masculine Spiritualities and the Problem of Patriarchy is titled: Gay Spirituality: A Way Out for Men; and I have read it with a completely new appreciation  of a previously completely unexplored area of spirituality.

While I have no way of critiquing Dr. Gelfer’s exploration in this chapter, being in this unfamiliar territory, I can certainly say it is an excellent, if “whirlwind,” survey of contemporary thought in Gay Spirituality. And he makes some excellent points along the way vis-à-vis masculine spirituality. Since this may be new territory for some of my readers I’ll attempt to summarize Dr. Gelfer’s findings and conclusions by following this chapter’s outline:

He begins by explaining that, while there is a great deal of variety in how gay men are spiritual, “gay spirituality does have some commonality beyond the fact that it is engaged by men who identify themselves as being gay: it offers the possibility for men to practice a spirituality which, for the most part, avoids the patriarchal traps which have littered the mythopoetic movement and the various Christian men’s movements.”

The first section of the chapter presents popular gay spirituality by which is meant: “the type of spirituality that resists categorization by faith tradition: it can appeal as easily to Christian mysticism as to Buddhism or Paganism. Popular gay spirituality opens a window on what is sometimes referred to as ‘gay consciousness’ or ‘gay spirit’ and it is this that provides the most obvious alternative to the patriarchal norm.” And while this is a distinct difference from what is explored in earlier chapters [about men's movements], there are also some similarities: “popular gay spirituality draws noticeably on neo-Jungian archetypes and neo-paganism in much the same way as the mythopoetic movement.”

By way of example of popular gay spirituality, Dr. Gelfer inserts here a section on the closest thing to a gay spirituality movement: Radical Faeries.  “The typical Faerie is ‘firmly committed to counterhegemonic values’ and in particular seeks to subvert a normative understanding of masculinity.” They do, however, rely on archetypes, especially the Androgyne, and in this there is a lot of similarity to the mythopoetic movement.  “The most prevalent of Faerie spiritual beliefs draw upon Wicca and neo-paganism, most notably of the Goddess/Earth Mother.” This points to a clear connection to Robert Bly who established the Conference of the Great Mother in 1975! And what I would conclude here it that my blog is aptly titled and a clear pointer to “a way out for men.”

The next section presents gay theology. “Gay theology is underpinned by a critical awareness of how patriarchy operates within society and spirituality to shut down atypical masculinities in a way that is almost wholly absent in either the mythopoetic or Christian men’s movements.” This political awareness is central to gay theology. Four types of gay theology are explored in this section: gay liberal theology, gay liberation theology, erotic/lesbian theology and queer theology. And it is this last type which may contain the most hope for all of us: “queer theology, instead of asking gay and lesbians to come out, … seeks to liberate all people from constructions of sexuality and gender.”

And Dr. Gelfer explores this last type of gay theology in his final section: A Spiritual Queer-For-All. “To queer something is to disrupt and problematize the norm, particularly (although not exclusively) in terms of gender, thus ‘queer theologies are a refusal to normalization…’” He makes the point here that queering something is to move it way from the norm, thus liberating it from the expectations of heteronormativity. “As we move into queer realms, those aspects[e.g. resistance to patriarchal spiritualities] become less identifiably ‘gay’ and therefore are even easier to apply to straight men or, more specifically any man, as queer also troubles a “straight’ identity. A good deal of this section discusses the application of queer theory for straight men, which at first glance may appear like the co-option of the queer in a continued campaign of heteronormativity, and a glossing over of the spiritual experiences of queer people. However, the aim is not to focus on straight men per se but simply to offer them as the missing variable in the equation of queer potential for all men.” Dr. Gelfer concludes this section by claiming: “Queer theology is the way out for any person who wants to articulate a non-patriarchal masculine spirituality.”

Even so, Dr. Gelfer concludes this chapter by saying: “We still have no useful (non-heteropatriarchal) application of the phrase ‘masculine spirituality’.” He explores this further in Chapter 7: Sexual Difference, Spirituality and Space, which I’ll review tomorrow.

I have used a lot of Dr. Gelfer’s own words in this post today; this is because I am in unfamiliar territory. But he has given me much food for thought and an excellent bibliography on the subject of Gay Spirituality. Clearly, there are gems of wisdom and an evolutionary path to be explored here.

Am I ready to “queer my approach” to Men and the Goddess? Or, by definition, have I already done so!

This week’s message, channeled by Rosemary, is a very good one for men to hear. There are many conversations which need to be redirected; yes, fear-based conversations need to be guided toward helpful and encouraging talk, as suggested by The Divine Feminine. But, too often, especially in the work-place and other places where men congregate, conversations turn to subjects which are less than uplifting; they tend toward “gutter talk” as opposed to “higher talk.”

OK, I’ve been out of the work-place for a couple of years, but not too long to recall some conversations which I would rather forget. It is true that with HR organizations cracking down on inappropriate conversations and behavior in offices, these unpleasant encounters were on the decline as I approached “retirement.” However, they will not disappear entirely until people, especially men, decide to rise above the “gym-locker talk” and engage in real conversations.

What do I mean by “real conversations”?  I mean positive, uplifting, discussions of higher-vibration. Yes, I know these are difficult conversations for men to have. It is so easy to tell an off-color joke; take a jab at the President, Congress, the courts; talk sports, or weather, or the price of gas…These are “safe conversations.” But are they meaningful? When is the last time you had a spiritual conversation with another man? Not so easy, but certainly possible. And that’s what this blog is really all about – getting to a space where men can become comfortable with having conversations with other men about “the goddess” as an example.

What do you do when someone tells an off-color joke in your presence, especially one which denigrates another human being or group of humans? My latest tactic is to at least ignore it, turn away if possible, and if not to say “I’d rather not listen to jokes like that; it’s not funny to put down others that way.” Yes, this may sound stuffy, but it is a way to “redirect the conversation.” And maybe it will also redirect the relationship.

There are many ways for men to deflect and even redirect uncomfortable conversations. There is the passive way of either ignoring the drift of the conversation or turning completely away from the person or group with a polite excuse to withdraw. There is the redirection way of changing the subject, even with humor: “Well, I don’t know about that, but I read recently…”. There is the contradictory approach of stating disagreement with the point or points being made. And, there is the challenge approach of addressing the subject head-on and not only disagreeing with the point, but disagreeing with the entire direction of the conversation.

No, these approaches are not easy. And you may find that some “friends” drop from your list. But we are in heady times of change. The Divine Feminine are frequently calling us to examine our relationships because there is no time to waste on non-productive, challenging, hurtful, even denigrating relationships. We are being called to higher levels of consciousness and higher conversations. If you can’t comfortably redirect conversations you find yourself engaged in then examine who you are having these conversations with. Examine why people who make you uncomfortable are in your life.

You may wonder how this relates to “men and the goddess.” First, the message I am commenting on here is from The Goddess. She comes to us in many guises and speaks in many voices; one of these voices is that of The Divine Feminine. Second, men are needed; their voices need to be heard in the Spiritual Conversation which we must engage in during these times of change and rapid growth. This is why I’m taking so much time with Joseph Gelfer’s book, which I’m in the middle of reviewing through these posts. He has initiated an important conversation about Masculine Spiritualities. And we need to keep the conversation going. Third, the voice of any “New Spirituality” must include strong feminine and masculine voices harmonized into a Divine Conversation; goddesses and gods must congregate “around the fire” and speak holy words of hope and promise to one-another. This is the ultimate redirected conversation. Let’s get ready to engage in it!