Men and The Goddess

I know; it’s “poem Firday”. But this business of “blocks” is on my mind.

Yesterday I wrote here about being blocked: blocked from listening to my intuition, from changing my language to speak (and think) in positive terms. And I wrote about practice. After 10 years Tenno became a teacher of Zen; he was practiced. Then Nan-in demonstrated how he was not “fully aware.” So Tenno became his student and practiced another 10 years! And I concluded my post yesterday with …another nine years of practice and study and “lessons in lost sunglasses”!

But practice what? OK, I’ve got 9 more years, probably 10! But what am I to practice; what am I to learn; how do I break through the blocks?

Later yesterday I was in one of my practices: Artist Pages writing as prescribed by Julia Cameron. I am fairly disciplined in writing my “morning pages” (sometimes afternoon); and I really know when I skip that something isn’t quite right with my day. I wrote yesterday and came up with some answers to my blocks; not only what is blocking but how to respond; to break through. Here’s what I wrote:

“I wrote my blog post for Rosemary’s site this morning – on “Awareness” again although the title was about blocks. What are my blocks to “full awareness”?

“I think the main one is fear – fear of letting go completely and relaxing into full awareness. If I let go completely I might lose myself! I am not yet fully willing to let go of the ego – that little self that appears to be so important to me. I have no problem with this for moments – while sitting, while doing Qigong, while writing pages when I merge and let come whatever words flow. Practices like these are easy times to let go. But when I’m at a bank ATM my ego is busy in the forefront – considering a number of choices: what’s my balance, how much cash do I need, what do I want to buy at the market, how long will this nice weather last, on and on…

“The conscious mind, the ego, can only handle 7 to 9 bits of information at one time. The thought of the sunglasses on the shelf gets pushed aside. The ego can’t handle all the information. And I am not practicing standing at the ATM. Why not?

“What if I had stood at the ATM in a relaxed but present Qigong posture? What if I had softened my focus moving into peripheral vision? What if I had remembered to breathe deeply and slowly as when practicing Qigong or sitting on my cushion? Would I have seen the sunglasses and remembered?

“Practice can be constant. And there needs to be no fear in this. If we drop our attention and expand our awareness the ego doesn’t disappear, it simply recedes into the background of the 10-million bits of information being processed by the unconscious mind. It is there, aware, processing its 7 to 9 bits, and content to rest, yet ready to come alive as needed. The “full awareness” is in the unconscious mind lifted out of its obscurity through constant practice.

“Blocks are revealed, recognized and broken through by balancing conscious ego awareness with practiced unconscious access.

“Relax, let go, breathe deeply, sink, broaden, move fully into self and become fully aware of Self.”

I think I have my answers! Now to put them into practice…

Happy Full Moon. Have a good weekend!