Archive
Blocked? – Part 2
I know; it’s “poem Firday”. But this business of “blocks” is on my mind.
Yesterday I wrote here about being blocked: blocked from listening to my intuition, from changing my language to speak (and think) in positive terms. And I wrote about practice. After 10 years Tenno became a teacher of Zen; he was practiced. Then Nan-in demonstrated how he was not “fully aware.” So Tenno became his student and practiced another 10 years! And I concluded my post yesterday with …another nine years of practice and study and “lessons in lost sunglasses”!
But practice what? OK, I’ve got 9 more years, probably 10! But what am I to practice; what am I to learn; how do I break through the blocks?
Later yesterday I was in one of my practices: Artist Pages writing as prescribed by Julia Cameron. I am fairly disciplined in writing my “morning pages” (sometimes afternoon); and I really know when I skip that something isn’t quite right with my day. I wrote yesterday and came up with some answers to my blocks; not only what is blocking but how to respond; to break through. Here’s what I wrote:
“I wrote my blog post for Rosemary’s site this morning – on “Awareness” again although the title was about blocks. What are my blocks to “full awareness”?
“I think the main one is fear – fear of letting go completely and relaxing into full awareness. If I let go completely I might lose myself! I am not yet fully willing to let go of the ego – that little self that appears to be so important to me. I have no problem with this for moments – while sitting, while doing Qigong, while writing pages when I merge and let come whatever words flow. Practices like these are easy times to let go. But when I’m at a bank ATM my ego is busy in the forefront – considering a number of choices: what’s my balance, how much cash do I need, what do I want to buy at the market, how long will this nice weather last, on and on…
“The conscious mind, the ego, can only handle 7 to 9 bits of information at one time. The thought of the sunglasses on the shelf gets pushed aside. The ego can’t handle all the information. And I am not practicing standing at the ATM. Why not?
“What if I had stood at the ATM in a relaxed but present Qigong posture? What if I had softened my focus moving into peripheral vision? What if I had remembered to breathe deeply and slowly as when practicing Qigong or sitting on my cushion? Would I have seen the sunglasses and remembered?
“Practice can be constant. And there needs to be no fear in this. If we drop our attention and expand our awareness the ego doesn’t disappear, it simply recedes into the background of the 10-million bits of information being processed by the unconscious mind. It is there, aware, processing its 7 to 9 bits, and content to rest, yet ready to come alive as needed. The “full awareness” is in the unconscious mind lifted out of its obscurity through constant practice.
“Blocks are revealed, recognized and broken through by balancing conscious ego awareness with practiced unconscious access.
“Relax, let go, breathe deeply, sink, broaden, move fully into self and become fully aware of Self.”
I think I have my answers! Now to put them into practice…
Happy Full Moon. Have a good weekend!
Brainwashed?
Yes, by one of the most powerful forces in my life (no, not Rosemary): my own ego!
As I have mentioned before part of my daily practice is to draw a couple of cards from my favorite decks to divine a sense of the energies of the day. One of my decks is the Crowley Tarot Deck and I use The Crowley Tarot by Akron and Hajo Banzhaf to continue to deepen my understanding of the cards. Today (Thursday) I drew the XVI of Trumps, The Tower. (I’ve included its image here). And my first reaction was: how cool to bring up this image of “destruction” as
I sit to write about brainwashing, its power and destructive potential and how to re-program from the brainwashing; in other words, destroy its impact and bring in the new images of self that are needed at this time!
This is 2012, and I am writing this on 12/12/12. Rosemary led a meditation today at 12:00 noon Eastern time, to activate and anchor the emerging energies of transformation as we draw near the Winter Solstice of 2012. What better time to let go of the old structures, the old energies, the old beliefs, the old brainwashing, those stories we’ve been telling ourselves for years, that may no longer hold any truth or power for us or over us.
And so I draw this card with its Tower, this burning, toppling structure that is an empty shell holding nothing for me as I move into the new energies at the end of 2012. Here are phrases from the guide book: “destruction of form…upheaval of values”, “enlightenment … that strikes like lightning and destroys … rigid ideas”, “overcoming one’s self”, “breaking open encrustations.” Wow, sounds like deprogramming to me!
The ego holds our beliefs, especially about ourselves. It is a wonderful friend, protecting us from both physical and emotional harm. It can also be our worst enemy holding us back when we are called to speak our truth, holding us to old beliefs when we receive new information that would help us grow, develop, evolve! The ego protects us but also holds us prisoner locked away in our tower. It is time for my tower to tumble!
And so I seek to burn down the current structures of my life, to sabotage my own ego, to break free of the bonds that fetter and hold me frozen in a place of safety but with little progress.
How? I will write more about my process and what is coming to me for tomorrow’s post. Meanwhile I continue all of my practices, which I have described in earlier posts. They serve me well and help me through the ego-generated blocks that no longer serve me. My practices are the “fire and kindling” I use to burn my imprisoning tower down.
Towers, so too brainwashing, can be good and bad. We need structures in our lives to hold us safe and help us hold the energy of the time; but when they impede our progress we need to burn them to the ground!
Burn your prisons down!
Oh, and happy New Moon (3:42 am EST, 12/13/12)! What better time to bring in the new energies of progress and transformatio
Men and The Goddess 