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Hostage Situation – Inside Yourself? – Richard’s Commentary

October 9, 2014 Leave a comment

I can certainly relate to Rosemary’s Exploration this week. And it’s not any one or big fear that holds me back from “living my richest life.” It’s usually little things. And when I move beyond the fear and look back I think: “what was I ever afraid of?”

Most of my little fears come from my childhood. I was an only child for a long time – my next brother came along when I was already eight. I was protected and even revered within my extend and large family of grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins. And because family was always there I didn’t have to venture out much into greater society.

So, when Rosemary asks: What part of you is holding another part hostage? I can usually point to my inner child – that protected and easy living six year-old.

Rosemary is exactly right when she says:

But most of the fears that I see with clients represent a conflict between a part that wants to step forward and a part that is afraid to do that.

It can be around any issue: a relationship, a job, money, family, taking a risk, making a decision. There is a feeling of wanting to move and yet, at the same time, a sense of paralysis.

My adult self always wants to step forward; I am usually energetic, decisive and know what I want. But sometimes that six year-old digs in his heals and sets up a block out of some weird sense of protectiveness.

Does this ever happen to you? Do you ever feel paralysis as you work toward an important goal? When this happens to me I usually have to go inside to work through the issue. Sometimes I even have a talk with the six year-old to calm any fears he may be experiencing. I remind him of several factors in the situation:

  1. I am in charge and I know what I am doing; I’m the adult, after all!
  2. We have done things like this before and it always comes out well!
  3. Look to the end result, the success. Doesn’t that make you happy?
  4. Let’s just move forward and see what happens; you’ll be OK.

This inner dialogue can take several forms: meditation, writing, even sometimes a shamanic journey (for me this is similar to an inner guided meditation) to visit my places of safety and my power animals. I can even take my six year-old into the future to see the positive outcome and allay any further fear.

Of course using a coach or counselor is always an option. Inner child work can be very powerful and productive. The tools and help are there for all of us to “live our richest lives!”

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ROSEMARY’S COMMENTARY: Are You Flipping Out Over Something?

October 26, 2012 Leave a comment

As I mentioned yesterday when I posted Rosemary’s video here, I am today posting her commentary on that insightful post. And on Monday I’ll post my commentary specifically targeted to my readers here! Stay tuned…

And here’s Rosemary:

It seems today as if there is always something to ‘Flip Out’ over!  What has you feeling this way today?

I sometimes hear clients longing for simpler lives or less stress or at least less drama in their lives, but they are really wishing for something to change about their circumstances without a thought to how they can change themselves.

Flipping Out happens when we don’t have enough resources in our tool box to deal with what is happening in our environment.  If you can reach into your Resource Tool Box and pull out just what you need to do in this circumstance, then you just do that and there’s no need to get too excited.  But how often are you perfectly prepared for exactly what is going on?

Let me say here that I am not talking about going into denial and pretending that nothing big is happening!  Sticking your fingers in your ear and singing, ‘La, la, la, la!’ won’t manage the stress of the circumstances, although, I admit, sometimes that seems like an attractive behavior choice.  Denial invites the Universe to keep bringing the lesson to us, over and over again, with perhaps more severity each time until we learn what we are to learn.

What tools have you been developing to prepare you for whatever might come your way?  Are you on a path of constant personal growth, seeking new skills, finding new opportunities to explore ideas?  Are you committed to your own personal, spiritual growth as a journey of exploration?  How you answer these questions will determine how well you can handle what happens around you.

Just as an athlete doesn’t wake up one morning and decide to win a gold medal in discus throwing without training for that exact sport, so, too, must you train for the circumstances that haven’t yet come into your life.

When the doctor says, ‘There’s something of concern going on here,’ or you get the phone call that, ‘There’s been an accident,’ how will you respond?

I pray that you never hear those words but it could be something else that throws you for a loop and the resources must already be available to you or you will find it more difficult to cope.

So what are you doing today, this week, this year to expand the tools in your Resource Tool Box?  Are you taking a class?  Working with a coach/counselor?  Reading self-help books?  In a group with speakers who teach you tools?  Attending seminars and conferences with content-rich programs for personal growth?

This is not an activity that can be postponed indefinitely!  Now is the time to prevent Flip Out!

Learning meditation can be a great start.  Breathe, hit the pause button, take a moment to collect yourself.  Allow thoughts to arise but to keep flowing onward, without attaching to the thoughts.  Give yourself permission to focus on your breath and to let go of thoughts and emotions that come up for you.  Give yourself permission to simply BE.

Sign up for a class on a psychological or spiritual topic that intrigues you.  Read a book that someone has recommended to you.  Find a group of explorers that you can join to study new ideas.  Work with a coach who can help you to develop the tools that are best for you.

Fill up the Resource Tool Box and you’ll be ready if and when something happens.  Won’t it be nice to have the confidence of knowing that, even if you never need to use the tools, you won’t have to resort to ‘Flipping Out’?