Archive
Love and Self-Love: Part 2
(Post-Epilogue: Today, November 30, I broke one of my special, probably most precious, Yixing teapots, one that I’ve had with me for years. Another loss, this one more permanent than misplaced reading glasses and a lot closer to my heart. Lesson? Another one; very hard this time? Really? Clearly I am in a fast-paced learning mode at this stage of my journey!)
Self-Love. Not a simple path. Practice Love; begin with self!
It is even difficult to go back to my last post and read my own words on this subject. How do I love self, the clumsy oaf who swept his pot from the counter in an over-exuberant flourish? But life hasn’t stopped and I must Love on!
My first step in working through the lesson today, the loss of another precious object, is to accept impermanence. It’s all just temporary, right? Let go. Yes, of course, grieve the loss. But within the grief is the built-in praise. I can certainly find gratitude for all the years of service the pot gave me. My memories of pouring tea from it, admiring the design, experiencing the beautiful color develop over the years of use are still with me to celebrate. This is another reminder of the cycle in everything; the pot began as dirt in a ditch in China; the dirt was harvested, hopefully with ceremony, thanksgiving and praise; then it was processed into clay, worked, hand-shaped, finished and fired; somehow it made it all the way from China to me safely; and now it returns to dust.
When I worked with micaceous clay in New Mexico with master potter, Felipe Ortega, we experienced the entire life-cycle of the clay. I made several small pots; and while my first attempts were nothing to take pictures of, they were special to me. One of the assignments, we later learned, was to sacrifice a pot to the Holy. We each broke one of our pots against a post as an offering, as a way of giving thanks for the clay and for our hands that shaped the clay, and the Holy who shaped us all. The shards remained in that spot for years afterward. And we each took a shard from that pile of rubble to grind down and incorporated into our next pot; the cycle was unbroken.
I can do this with a shard from my teapot. I can keep it going, giving, by recycling it in a personal and useful way. The object doesn’t go away, it only changes its shape. “Pots are fashioned from clay, but it’s the emptiness that makes a pot work.” – Taoteching, Ch. 11. The pot may be impermanent, but the clay is still there as is the emptiness!
As another step in the learning, can I turn the curse at my ill luck at breaking the pot into a blessing? This is another practice I learned in Bolad’s Kitchen with Martín Prechtel. Oh, yes, I did curse myself, my luck, my inattention, my carelessness, my mindlessness as I watched the pot tumble to the floor and become shards. Then I withdrew before my anger spilled over too far to hit others in the path of my negative energy, the antithesis of self-love. And I went inside for awhile. And as I write I am still processing, learning to do it through words coming from the inside rather than holding it all in where it churns and festers. Where are the blessings that come from this loss? In a sense I have already done some of this work, thanking the pot for its years of service. But what about me? Can I find a way to bless me through this lesson? This is where it gets really hard!
I am here, at the keyboard, writing words that will help me work through the curses that I can’t take back. I am letting go the anger, giving it to the compost heap where it can metabolize back into usefulness rather than metastasize within me. And I can recall the years with the pot and all the use it gave me and the care I gave it during those years; we took good care of each other for a good long time. And I can place the pot in a corner of my mind to remind me to come back, cycle back to the present moment. And I can know that the pot can help me pay attention to everything in the moment; to expand my awareness beyond a narrow focus and take in my environment, appreciating very thing around me and near and dear to me.
So, I bless myself for my deep thought, my appreciation for fine things, my attention to detail and my broad and extraordinary experiences that come together to inform and refine my approach to life, and the impermanence that threads through it All.
And with moist eyes I come back to Love, even self-love as I accept my blessings and learn a bit more about forgiveness.
“Gratitude and Loving Yourself” a Commentary from Richard
Have you reviewed the video and commentary by Rosemary from her FREE weekly MuseLetter? I posted them over the past couple of days; if you want to receive them directly you can subscribe here. Today here are my thoughts on the support Rosemary offers for living a conscious life and her theme of the week, Gratitude and Loving Yourself:
Self-Love. Some days this is really difficult. Rosemary writes everything is perfect just as it is right now in this moment; everything is in agreement with The Plan; everything is unfolding just as it needs to, bringing the perfect Plan into reality. Yes, we have lessons and are learning lessons, everyday, with every unfolding moment. And as we learn these lessons we move into next moments that are also perfect because we have experienced (maybe even learned) these lessons.
And the first step toward self-love is gratitude for self and the lessons being learned. OK, then I have a lot to be grateful for! Examples abound every day. I just got back from the post office, went to get my reading glasses out of my pocket (where I “always” put them) only to come up short; no glasses. So I search every pocket, in the car and various places I may have left them. No luck. I get angry, especially with myself for misplacing my “stupid glasses”! (As if they were suppose to remember where I left them!)
Over-reaction? Of course! Yet another lesson in – what? Patience with myself, always putting things where they “belong”, mindfulness? I’m reminded of a Zen story about a monk who goes to his master believing he is ready for the test of enlightenment. The monk dashes through the rain and puddles with his trusty umbrella to his master’s hut, bows and humbly kneels before the master fully prepared. The master asks: “On which side of the door did you leave your umbrella?” Unable to answer the monk even more humbly withdraws to meditate on mindfulness for another 7 years!
Gratitude for the lessons is one of the lessons! I am alive and healthy and unharmed. I can return to the post office tomorrow to see if I left my glasses there. Meanwhile I have a spare pair. And they are only “drug-store” reading glasses; easily replaced. Were they worth the anger and upset at their loss? Of course not. Did my anger at myself gain anything other than upset that extended to others in my presence? Not at all. Did I learn a lesson here? Maybe. Will I lose something in the future. Certainly. And will I learn the lesson today so that the next time I lose that thing I can let it go, forgive myself for the lapse and move on? Only with continued practice!
We are all every moment of life practicing at being alive, being fully present, being conscious in every moment. This is what the lessons are all about: our opportunity to practice. And when we get pretty good at one lesson we get a new one to practice. This is where the acceptance comes in. This is where the self-forgiveness enters. When we are grateful for these opportunities we do, in fact, begin to move toward self-love.
I would add a second step toward this practice of self-love; the next step after gratitude is trust. We have to trust the Plan, that there is a Plan, that there is a purpose to it all. And we have to trust that our lessons are part of this Great Plan, that we are alive at this time with everyone and everything around us in perfect order and proper unfolding of the grand structure that is in process of becoming. I have to trust that losing my glasses today in some small, almost infinitesimal way, contributed to the process of becoming. One more opportunity to practice self-love in spite of my frustration with myself contributes to the Scheme.
This trust is part of the mystery. How can I possibly believe that my loss and my lesson on patience and self-forgiveness, self-love contribute to the Unfolding Perfection? There is no proof here; there is no evidence, not even a shred, that this incident is significant. But I trust that it is. And because I trust I continue to practice. And because I continue to practice, learn my lessons, I am ever so slowly improving myself, taking steps on my journey. And maybe, just maybe in some completely mysterious way, that I may never understand or realize, the world will be a better place.
Self-Love. Not a simple path. It begins with gratitude and moves to trust. And there is so much more…practice, practice, practice!
Inspiration from The Divine Feminine: “Love Yourself”
This week’s video urges us to love ourselves and to demonstrate this love by holding healthy boundaries and by trusting our intuition:
PS: If you would like to hear more from The Divine Feminine Rosemary offers a FREE short call every Monday evening, 8:30 pm Eastern time. She channels a message about the energies for the week and offers other information to guide us toward living a more conscious life. Register to receive the call-in number!
ROSEMARY’S EXPLORATION: Write Your Way to Success
Here’s Rosemary’s commentary on her weekly video I posted yesterday. She continues her exploration of tools for accessing our inner guidance, this time focusing in on writing as one such tool.
Rosemary writes:
This is the time to decide what ‘success’ means for you. For most people on the spiritual path, success is not measured by the numbers in the bank account. What is ‘success’ for you?
We’re not talking here about writing a best-selling book that makes you lots of money, although it is fun to be a ‘Best Selling Author,’ but about the kind of writing that comes from your heart. Journaling, meditative writing, channeled writing, letter writing, poetry composing, music composing, drawing, notetaking. So many ways to write!
Let’s talk about letter writing. When is the last time you wrote a letter? I’m not talking about typing an email, but taking pen in hand and actually allowing the words to flow from your mind and heart onto the paper through the pen. When is the last time you received a handwritten letter or note? It feels good to write a personal note on a birthday card or sympathy card. And when did you last send a handwritten thank you note?
When you tune in to another person as you focus on them while you write you are making an important energetic connection through the space-time continuum. There really is no separation in space and time so taking the time to connect through letter writing is a special energetic that can support both parties.
And what about problem solving when there is an issue or conflict between parties? These are the times when you want to be deliberate and take the time to re-read what you have written before you send the letter. You also want to copy your letter so you have a record of what you wrote. Most importantly, though, you want to take the time to make sure you are being congruent with your values before you send a letter in the heat of the moment.
When you write, connect first with your inner guidance to get into harmony within yourself. Then connect to the intended recipient of the letter, energetically inviting the connection for the highest good of all. Do all of this before you put pen to paper.
And sometimes ‘forgiveness’ comes into the picture. Do you need to forgive yourself or someone else before you write that letter? Remember that forgiveness is not about excusing behavior that is hurtful. Rather, forgiveness is saying, ‘Although I have felt hurt, I refuse to allow this energy to stay in my energy field or physical body. I release all energy associated with this and hold myself in gratitude for the lessons I have learned.’ Sometimes it can help in this process to write a letter and then burn it as you release the hurt and choose to stand in your own power. Forgive yourself, too, if you are focusing on having missed the mark in something. Give up the energy of feeling bad and decide that you will hold gratitude for lessons learned.
Sometimes journaling can be a great tool for self-knowledge that can support your success. Try journaling at different times of day to decide when you best connect with your inner being.
Writing is a good way to connect to your inner guidance, too. Your guides are always ready to speak to you when you quiet your mind-chatter and listen. If you hold a pen in hand and invite them to write to you, you can find that the pen captures the thoughts and the words write themselves.
Ask questions and write the answers. Ask about relationships, finances, business, life. The answers are inside. The pen brings them out and places them squarely in your conscious awareness.
Try it! And while you are at it, try writing a poem or drawing a picture or making up a story. Let your creativity flow through a pen or pencil or marker and watch how the clues to your success emerge.
PS: If you are enjoying these written messages you may be interested in my Monday calls when I channel The Divinine Feminine. These are FREE calls for your support and guidance through these fascinating times approaching the Winter Solstice of 2012. The calls are scheduled at 8:30 PM Eastern Time every Monday. Sign up here for the call details
Forgiveness
This is a powerful word, overloaded with layers of context from religious backgrounds, moral code, all the “shoulds” in our lives. But what does it really mean to forgive?
Here again understanding begins with inner work, the inner examination of what this word means and how it applies to us, to me. Is this something that comes to us from others who have wronged us in some way? How do we recognize it? Is it an apology? And how do we react to it? Do we shrug it off as if it didn’t happen; go on as if it didn’t?
And how do we react when we are in the wrong? What form do we want forgiveness to take when we’ve hurt someone but hope they will forgive us?
I think the only way to understand forgiveness is to see how it applies to ourselves.
A couple of days ago I dropped my favorite fountain pen. I reacted with shock, dismay and anger that this pen was ruined. This was, of course, an accident: I fumbled with papers and a notebook trying to take notes during a coaching call. I was clumsy and inattentive. The pen fell, point down of course, on the tile floor. How do I forgive myself for this negligence? I go inside to examine the feelings: heartbreak, yes, but over an object? It is repairable. Let the object go. Anger, yes, both self and outer-directed. Is it the floor’s fault? Do I blame gravity? My lack of an appropriate work-area? My clumsiness? Why do I need to find fault at all? Accidents happen. As I look back at the event today it is an opportunity to examine and apply forgiveness – self-forgiveness.
I can learn about forgiveness here by going inward, self-ward. Forgiveness here is not to dismiss the event. It happened, I am still upset by it and there are consequences to deal with. But to hold on to blame or anger seems unproductive. Holding on to the lesson seems the better approach. I can also respond with action to help prevent accidents of this type in the future: I can improve my work environment and place more attention on protecting my valuable pens. Action and awareness help assuage the hurt from the loss. But ultimately I have to return to the illusive notion of forgiveness. This thing happened; it can’t be undone and should not be forgotten. But I take the lesson and come back to the mantra: “I am always doing my best and I am continually learning and improving.” This is the rock-bottom message here. This is self-forgiveness.
We can then take this into the outer world, the world populated by others! We are all doing our best; even those who might hurt us in some way are doing their best! We may wish they were doing better! But they are where they are. We don’t have to forget the injury or pretend it didn’t happen. We do have to take some action, to let them know of the hurt caused and to learn for ourselves what there is to take from the incident so it doesn’t happen again. And, this action may be to avoid this person or situation in the future. We remember the lesson and move on, doing our best and giving them space to do their best.
Forgiveness. Somehow there is a seed of Peace here, buried in this too often misunderstood approach to relationships. Maybe we need to practice forgiveness in order to wage Peace.
Love
A couple of days ago I wrote about Peace and my charge to be a “Warrior of Peace.” I wrote that there is only one place to begin the quest for that peace, which must be known so intimately well that it is like our own skin if we are to be true defenders of Peace, and that’s inside – the first step of the quest is inward!
And what do we find when we go inward? I am reminded not only that today is Valentine’s Day but also that Rosemary’s daily video message today (you can get it here: TheScientificMystic.com) is about Love; and not just any kind of love, romantic love for example, but Self-Love! When you go inside do you find there that sense of love, especially self-love?
If we have no sense of how to love ourselves then how can we love others? If our mantra is “Everyone is doing their best” then doesn’t that apply to ourselves first? Love, forgiveness, peace—they all begin with oneself!
We are each a unique expression of humanity with a unique soul, purpose, mission, destiny. We have to be here and be us to make everything work in some incredibly complicated, interdependent way. The Universe created us to be here now. That is a lot to love about ourselves! Without us the world would be incomplete, imperfect.
There is both grand praise and deep grief in this self-loving. The grief comes from the immense responsibility we fall so short from standing up to. But if we are doing our best at all times then forgiveness finds a home in our consciousness if we let it in.
I am reminded here of a deep thought given to me by Martín Prechtel, one of my most honored and revered teachers (his most recent book published this January, expands on this concept much more eloquently than I could ever attempt. See it at: The Unlikely Peace of Cuchumaquic). We are all mutually and forever indebted for our life. Think for a moment of all you have that you are indebted for. And I’m not talking about “stuff” or bank-debt here. I’m talking about the deeper elements of life without which we could not live. How can we ever pay back the plants for the nourishment they provide and the air they produce for us to breathe? But we do our best and we offer all we have to pay the debt knowing all along that we can never make it; we can never pay it all back. The toll it takes from everything, everyone, especially Mother Earth to allow a human to grow, survive, thrive is just too great.
Knowing we can never repay is a source of both grief and praise at the same time (these feelings are really two sides of one emotion!). We grieve our indebtedness and still celebrate our lives as worth something, worth living, worth fulfilling our purpose. If we can’t celebrate life then there can be no meaning to any of it! We need to celebrate the perfection of our lives as token repayment, an honoring of the Mother for giving us this life in the first place! As Martín might put it: we feed (honor) the Holy (God/Goddess in all things) by celebrating our lives; and in turn the Holy feed us!
And out of this grief and praise comes Love! The Mother loves us into existence at great sacrifice. We are all born of love. And this is our first debt. We need to repay this love in kind. And this is where self-love really is important. It is not only the source of knowing how to love, it is partial payment for our very existence—the love that created us!
Peace, joy, fulfillment all spring from Love of Self! Celebrate this!
Men and The Goddess 