Posts Tagged ‘Boundaries’


September 3, 2014 Leave a comment

…And shine like the star that you are!

It is time. No more hiding your light under the proverbial basket. You were formed from the stardust of the Big Bang. You were meant to SHINE!

What’s holding you back? Are you shining your light brightly in the world? Are you bringing light to everything that you do by being the light that you really are?

Here is what this can look like in your everyday life.

When you are in conversation with another person, you can really open your heart and listen, not just with your ears, but with your heart as well. You can hold the thought in your own mind that, ‘You are a being of light and I hold you in my heart with love.’ Hear what they are saying and hold them, as a person, in your heart in the light of love. How different would your response be if this is what was happening on your side of the conversation no matter what happened on their side?

A friend of mine posted on Facebook recently that someone called him an idiot. He just thought about the person with love. Do you think you could do that?

Remember that having healthy boundaries allows you to be who you really are no matter what is going on around you. Is someone having a bad day? Can you still hold them in your heart in the light of love and allow them to have the space to have a bad day on their own? Or do you feel as if you need to rush in and fix things or get them to get out of their bad mood? What is yours to do in this situation?

Sometimes being the light that you are means giving someone else space to be wherever they are in the moment. You remain the light no matter what they are doing on their side of that healthy boundary, even if they try to drag you across the fence into their own territory. Resist this and hold the light.

And when you are having a bad day, do you seek the light within yourself or do you try to pull others into your bad mood to commiserate with you?

The light is always shining within you even when you forget that it is there. When your day appears to be all darkness, the challenge is to find the light that lives within you like an eternal flame, your very own pilot light. Sometimes you need to ask for help in being reminded that you have that light inside you. Ask for that help.

Your light is meant to shine. Your life is meant to be filled with light. On the dark days there is still some light to be found. No matter how dark things might look to you now, as Annie the orphan sings, ‘The sun’ll come out tomorrow’!

Your purpose on Planet Earth is to be your own Sun, to shine your light. Those around you are looking to you to shine. They need the light of your love and warmth as much as they need the Sun’s. Who are you to withhold that light from them?

Be your brightest self. Shine that light. Thank you!

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I Am Tolerating WHAT???!!! – Richard’s Commentary

September 12, 2013 1 comment

Tolerance, a “permissive attitude”, can be a lackadaisical approach to life or it can be a philosophy and intentional approach to life. Which is it? Maybe it can be both.

Tolerance in a carefully machined automobile part is the amount of deviation from a standard that can be allowed for the part to function properly. In this example machining the part further to comply with a tighter than needed tolerance would take more time and energy and would not necessarily improve the functionality of the part. A more relaxed tolerance in this case can save energy rather than expend more energy.

Personally I can tolerate a certain amount of dust on a windowsill or a few dust bunnies under the bed; if I vacuum the rug every two weeks rather than every week I am saving myself time and a bit on the electric bill. The tolerance level here is the amount of deviation from perfection that balances the energy saved with the energy expended on accepting the deviation.

If you are a parent, how much do you tolerate from your kids? Do you have a “permissive attitude” toward their behavior? And how far do you allow that permission to extend? Again, energy can be a measure here: the energy you spend on parenting can be balanced by the energy the children spend on testing the boundaries of your tolerance. They are busy learning about those boundaries and you must be busy setting them so they learn how to be balanced, creative, socially adapted individuals.

And then there are the personal boundaries that we develop and evolve as we grow and mature, learn and expand consciously. These boundaries form the tolerances in our lives. Some are external; they involve our family, friends, community, even country. Some people choose to leave their country of origin because they can no longer tolerate the living circumstances, whether those are political, religious, social, or economic factors. And then there are the internal boundaries, the tolerance levels we set up as standards for our own behavior and how we live life within those standards, or values. It is these values around which we balance the energy we expend on maintaining our adherence to those standards versus the energy drain from letting down our guard and giving in to a lower standard.

As an example one of my standards, a practice, is to write three longhand pages of text everyday, early in the day, preferably first thing in the morning. This is a practice I adopted from The Artist’s Way by Julia Cameron. I have been doing this for years, and I find it very worthwhile. It is a way for me to meditate, to journal, to dump the cobwebs from my psyche, to rail at the Universe, to give thanks to the universe, to channel the divine. I love this practice. Do I do it every day, first thing in the morning? No. Clearly there are things that get in the way, that disrupt this practice. This morning I am writing this blog post first before my pages. Lately I’ve been eating some breakfast before my pages. These are tolerances that I can live with; energy spent obsessing about always writing the pages first is not balanced by the positive effect of the writing. On the other hand there are some days I miss writing altogether. When I occasionally miss one day it seems to be OK, I can tolerate that. But when two or more days go by and I fail to get to mypages, I begin to notice the effects: I get more irritable, less tolerant! Then the balance tips in the direction of energy drained from me that is out of balance with energy spent in writing the pages.

How do you measure your tolerance levels? Do you do this consciously? Are you aware when your boundaries are crossed and your energy drained? It’s good to think about your boundaries so you can maximize your energy levels and live fully, in the present.

Now I’m going to write those pages!

The Story is Not the Person! – Richard’s Commentary-Part 2

April 19, 2013 Leave a comment

“The story is not the person.” But the person is part of the human story, as I wrote in my post yesterday. There is so much to Rosemary’s article posted Wednesday that I wanted to come at it from another angle.

She wrote of boundaries that people have that must be respected. We have them to protect our inner vulnerabilities. We all have these soft spots that can cause us great harm if exposed (at least that’s what we believe). But these boundaries can also become barriers to growth, to expansion, to the evolution of human consciousness I wrote about yesterday. There is a balance needed here that I want to explore today.

Rosemary writes: “Each of us has a responsibility to ourselves and to others to learn how to live in community with the people around us. We are not private islands with ‘No Trespassing’ signs on our foreheads! The most important lesson to learn about living in a civilized society is to learn what healthy boundaries are. Learn what to let in and what belongs to the other person.”

The question this begs is what are these healthy boundaries? Until we gain the answer here we may be hiding behind unhealthy boundaries (barriers) and blocking our own growth.

We all have secrets. We are human, we grow up in human families with foibles, stresses and all the baggage of generations of growing up in human families. Some secrets like those from our youth don’t necessarily need to see the light of day. If they served their purpose in teaching us then they can remain hidden; no harm done.

But if we have not yet learned the lessons from these secrets then perhaps they do need to be aired, to see the light. This is particularly true if the secrets, the unlearned lessons, are blocking our growth in some way.

Another form of boundary is the façade we erect to pretend we are someone other than the person we know on the inside.  This is our persona; and we all have them. In fact we likely have several of them we “wear” in different situations. And this too is OK. We don’t necessarily want to expose the “real” person behind the persona in every social situation.

But if we always hide behind a persona in every situation we may be hiding something even from ourselves that needs to be examined. Our persona may form a barrier to our own true story that we need to understand. That story is the base for our expansion, growth, evolution.

The healthy boundary comes from a balance between over-exposure and hiding, between blurting out old, irrelevant information and withholding information that might help us better understand ourselves and others. With healthy boundaries in place we can move easily in society, learn as we interact with others and grow beyond those boundaries.

As Rosemary concludes: “Own your story but do not be governed by it. Be conscious of your responsibility to continue to grow. Help others to grow by allowing them to have their own stories while keeping healthy boundaries for yourself.”

Do you “own your story”? Does it set up healthy boundaries or barriers to your growth? The place to begin to answer these questions is to write your story down. It may have some lessons, some hidden gems that need to be mined!


ROSEMARY’S EXPLORATION: The Story is Not the Person!

April 17, 2013 Leave a comment

Everyone around you has a story and you have only heard the part of the story that they want you to hear.  Everyone has a part of themselves that is hidden away, being protected, staying safe by not being revealed.  Behavior is not the story.  Behavior is often the cover-up for the story.

When you understand this about the people around you it is easier to be gentle with those folks.  What if that person just lost a loved one and doesn’t feel comfortable sharing that with you?  What if that person was so horribly abused as a child that they cannot bear to be hugged by anyone because it re-traumatizes them?  What if that person just got off the phone from a very disturbing conversation and they are in the middle of processing the information when you try to talk to them?

There is an endless list of possibilities for what is going on in another person’s life and most items on that list have nothing to do with you.  Do you keep this in mind when you interact with other people?  Can you be sympathetic to the part of the story that they are protecting from exposure and give them the benefit of the doubt?

Each of us has a responsibility to ourselves and to others to learn how to live in community with the people around us.  We are not private islands with ‘No Trespassing’ signs on our foreheads!  The most important lesson to learn about living in a civilized society is to learn what healthy boundaries are.  Learn what to let in and what belongs to the other person.

Asking others to respect your boundaries includes allowing them to ask the same of you.  Some people have very private stories behind the fence of their boundary and that is theirs to protect.  By the same token, you are allowed to hold parts of yourself private from public scrutiny and anyone who doesn’t respect that boundary does not get the privilege of interacting with you.

In learning how to interact with others in a healthy way it is important that you know your own story.  What motivates you?  What has happened in your past that is influencing your present?  What parts of you have you disowned that are lurking in your shadow bag waiting to be rediscovered and reintegrated?  With whom have you had an interaction that might influence your current relationships with baggage from the past connection?

Study your story.  Write it out.  Do a timeline of your own life.  It can be useful to do a timeline of your parents’ lives as you know them, or as they can share with you, and compare that with your own.  Sometimes we can uncover hidden beliefs about ourselves by noticing what has moved onto our timeline from our parents.

Notice when you get stuck in your story instead of continuing to create it.  Are you in a loop that has you repeating a part of your past story that is holding you back from growing in the present?  Are you re-traumatizing yourself by repeating that story over and over again and never giving yourself a chance to open to new possibilities that allow you to release that old story?

What parts of your story are you hoping no one else will discover?  Why?

Part of being on the path of personal growth is expanding your consciousness to encompass ALL of who you are.  Every part of your story is important in shaping you to be the person that you are today.  And this is true for everyone around you.

Own your story but do not be governed by it.  Be conscious of your responsibility to continue to grow.  Help others to grow by allowing them to have their own stories while keeping healthy boundaries for yourself.

And you can change your story!  There are many techniques available to help you to do this.  Empower yourself by taking the first step – write your story.  Then the work can begin.

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Inspiration from The Divine Feminine: “Love Yourself”

November 27, 2012 Leave a comment

This week’s video urges us to love ourselves and to demonstrate this love by holding healthy boundaries and by trusting our intuition:

PS: If you would like to hear more from The Divine Feminine Rosemary offers a FREE short call every Monday evening, 8:30 pm Eastern time. She channels a message about the energies for the week and offers other information to guide us toward living a more conscious life. Register to receive the call-in number!