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Posts Tagged ‘Story’

We Are Family – Richard’s Commentary

July 24, 2014 Leave a comment

I want to begin my comments with Rosemary’s ending to her Exploration:

This is important 21st Century work for each human being. Love yourself. Be Who You REALLY Are. Be the Light. Write your own story.

…and create your family; “we are family”! This is a lesson I have learned and continue to learn from Rosemary. It started over 30 years ago (we celebrated our 31st wedding anniversary yesterday!). We came together with kids; Rosemary had a daughter and I had two sons. From the very beginning we made a conscious choice, and from then on a conscious and valiant effort, to blend and create a “nuclear” family of the five of us. And it worked. Today our 30-something kids could not be closer if they were blood-related. We are family!

And we each have our extended families. I met Rosemary’s at her sister’s wedding. The vibe is dominated by Italian ancestry; my Norwegian/Swiss (northern) ancestry was welcomed in with open arms and big hugs. My cold northern blood melted right in to this southern love. Meanwhile my family remains pretty much in tact in Wisconsin – that Norwegian blood just likes it cold! I love them, visit (in the summer/fall) now and then. We are family!

And then we have our ultra-extended family that spans the globe from here north into Canada, east to Europe, south to Australia, west to China. We have grandchildren here in Maryland, another on the way in California. And then there are our adopted grandchildren/god-children spread all over from England to Florida and far beyond. Our younger friends with children just seem to know: we are family! (Of course, the children know it immediatedly!)

We are about to begin a fun trip to Florida for a work-related conference in Orlando next week. On the way (we are driving) we will stop in Raleigh, NC to visit with our youngest child, catching up with that part of the nuclear family and his delightful girl friend. Then it is on to Brunswick, GA to visit long-term, but not seen in years, friends; and even though there is a serious back injury in the picture here, we are compelled to spend the night – “you are family.” Then it is on to Tampa to visit more friends and one of our adopted grand/god-children. After the Orlando conference it is on to Amrit Ashram to visit a nephew and Gurudev. We are family!

And my story goes on. It is still unfolding. We have more family members to meet; they are out there waiting for us. As Rosemary says:

…write a NEW story! You have permission. You are Lady or Lord Creator of Your Own Truth! Love yourself enough to be the creator of a fine life story. Be the ancestor of a legacy that makes you proud and smiling today.

Be the love. Be the light. Go meet your family; they are out there waiting for you! Be the ancestor of a legacy! And remember:

We are family!

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INSPIRATION FROM ROSEMARY: Whose Story Are You Telling?

May 14, 2013 Leave a comment

My video for the week: Whose Story Are You Telling?

PS: Here is a fun way to find out who might be renting space in your brain: join Rosemary for a Conversation with The Other Side. Next Monday, May 20, at 7:00 pm she is offering an online Conversation where you can talk to anyone from your past who has crossed over whose story you may be holding on to. Get more information and registration  details at TheScientificMystic.com

The Story is Not the Person! – Richard’s Commentary-Part 2

April 19, 2013 Leave a comment

“The story is not the person.” But the person is part of the human story, as I wrote in my post yesterday. There is so much to Rosemary’s article posted Wednesday that I wanted to come at it from another angle.

She wrote of boundaries that people have that must be respected. We have them to protect our inner vulnerabilities. We all have these soft spots that can cause us great harm if exposed (at least that’s what we believe). But these boundaries can also become barriers to growth, to expansion, to the evolution of human consciousness I wrote about yesterday. There is a balance needed here that I want to explore today.

Rosemary writes: “Each of us has a responsibility to ourselves and to others to learn how to live in community with the people around us. We are not private islands with ‘No Trespassing’ signs on our foreheads! The most important lesson to learn about living in a civilized society is to learn what healthy boundaries are. Learn what to let in and what belongs to the other person.”

The question this begs is what are these healthy boundaries? Until we gain the answer here we may be hiding behind unhealthy boundaries (barriers) and blocking our own growth.

We all have secrets. We are human, we grow up in human families with foibles, stresses and all the baggage of generations of growing up in human families. Some secrets like those from our youth don’t necessarily need to see the light of day. If they served their purpose in teaching us then they can remain hidden; no harm done.

But if we have not yet learned the lessons from these secrets then perhaps they do need to be aired, to see the light. This is particularly true if the secrets, the unlearned lessons, are blocking our growth in some way.

Another form of boundary is the façade we erect to pretend we are someone other than the person we know on the inside.  This is our persona; and we all have them. In fact we likely have several of them we “wear” in different situations. And this too is OK. We don’t necessarily want to expose the “real” person behind the persona in every social situation.

But if we always hide behind a persona in every situation we may be hiding something even from ourselves that needs to be examined. Our persona may form a barrier to our own true story that we need to understand. That story is the base for our expansion, growth, evolution.

The healthy boundary comes from a balance between over-exposure and hiding, between blurting out old, irrelevant information and withholding information that might help us better understand ourselves and others. With healthy boundaries in place we can move easily in society, learn as we interact with others and grow beyond those boundaries.

As Rosemary concludes: “Own your story but do not be governed by it. Be conscious of your responsibility to continue to grow. Help others to grow by allowing them to have their own stories while keeping healthy boundaries for yourself.”

Do you “own your story”? Does it set up healthy boundaries or barriers to your growth? The place to begin to answer these questions is to write your story down. It may have some lessons, some hidden gems that need to be mined!

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The Story is Not the Person! – Richard’s Commentary

April 18, 2013 Leave a comment

“The story is not the person.” And often the story is not the story, at least not the whole story. I think that is one of Rosemary’s points.

I had the great privilege over a number of years to “sit at the feet” of Robert Bly. One of his “lessons” was to examine a story or poem on at least three levels: the concrete, the psychological and the mythical. And even then large swaths of a story can be glossed over or missed entirely.

At the concrete level, the story is never the person. You can’t know much at all from this level. It is superficial at best. To use a well worn cliché it’s like judging a story-book by its cover. I am a great fan of science fiction; I can never guess what a book is about from looking at the typically lurid cover! These days you certainly can’t judge anything from clothes. Styles are all over the map and casual is becoming formal in many venues! For those who are well trained and experienced in sensory acuity there are deeper layers to the concrete level that can be observed. Milton Erickson pioneered the use of body language in his hypnotherapy work and could utilize a subtle movement, twitch or flush to take a patient into deeper trance. And this brings us to the psychological level of the story.

Rosemary’s point that “the story is not the person” is much about this psychological level, the back-story, the underlying elements to a person that are buried behind the external persona. Sometimes this deeper part of the story is hidden even from one’s self. Our layers of beliefs for example are not necessarily something we dwell on to determine our current motivations or reactions to situations. It is this psychological level that gets protected, especially the shadow components of our makeup…and we all have them. Our boundaries protect this area and need that respect Rosemary urges us to observe.

And it is this level that we need to take into consideration when interacting with people. We all have our psychological stories. Some we can feel free and even good about sharing. Some remain hidden, protected behind our walls of privacy. The point here is to realize every one of our encounters with a person involves a hidden layer that needs our understanding and respect. We have our boundaries and they have theirs; let the unrevealed layers be a part of the mystery of the encounter.

It is at the mythic layer to the story where we can have some fun. And I don’t mean to make fun but to be inventive, creative in our approach to interacting with others. At some level we humans are all archetypes; we embody all the mythical gods and goddesses, the legendary figures from history, the stories of golden ages with mythic heroes and heroines from pre-history. Bly’s approach to analyze a poem or a story at the mythic level is to look for the archetypal, the over-arching theme that holds deeper meaning beyond the superficial and even the mental levels; the god-like meanings that underpin the entire arch of the story. And we can apply this approach to our encounter with others. Ask, what part of the greater mythology of human existence is this person playing, in his life, in my life, in the greater context of human evolution!

That’s right! Every one of us is playing a role, our personally designed role, in the expanding story of human evolution, the evolution of consciousness! This is exciting, scary, sobering, even mind-boggling. And it’s true.

So, next time when you meet someone, a friend, an acquaintance, even a stranger, ask yourself what role that someone is playing in the unfolding mythology of humanity!

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ROSEMARY’S EXPLORATION: The Story is Not the Person!

April 17, 2013 Leave a comment

Everyone around you has a story and you have only heard the part of the story that they want you to hear.  Everyone has a part of themselves that is hidden away, being protected, staying safe by not being revealed.  Behavior is not the story.  Behavior is often the cover-up for the story.

When you understand this about the people around you it is easier to be gentle with those folks.  What if that person just lost a loved one and doesn’t feel comfortable sharing that with you?  What if that person was so horribly abused as a child that they cannot bear to be hugged by anyone because it re-traumatizes them?  What if that person just got off the phone from a very disturbing conversation and they are in the middle of processing the information when you try to talk to them?

There is an endless list of possibilities for what is going on in another person’s life and most items on that list have nothing to do with you.  Do you keep this in mind when you interact with other people?  Can you be sympathetic to the part of the story that they are protecting from exposure and give them the benefit of the doubt?

Each of us has a responsibility to ourselves and to others to learn how to live in community with the people around us.  We are not private islands with ‘No Trespassing’ signs on our foreheads!  The most important lesson to learn about living in a civilized society is to learn what healthy boundaries are.  Learn what to let in and what belongs to the other person.

Asking others to respect your boundaries includes allowing them to ask the same of you.  Some people have very private stories behind the fence of their boundary and that is theirs to protect.  By the same token, you are allowed to hold parts of yourself private from public scrutiny and anyone who doesn’t respect that boundary does not get the privilege of interacting with you.

In learning how to interact with others in a healthy way it is important that you know your own story.  What motivates you?  What has happened in your past that is influencing your present?  What parts of you have you disowned that are lurking in your shadow bag waiting to be rediscovered and reintegrated?  With whom have you had an interaction that might influence your current relationships with baggage from the past connection?

Study your story.  Write it out.  Do a timeline of your own life.  It can be useful to do a timeline of your parents’ lives as you know them, or as they can share with you, and compare that with your own.  Sometimes we can uncover hidden beliefs about ourselves by noticing what has moved onto our timeline from our parents.

Notice when you get stuck in your story instead of continuing to create it.  Are you in a loop that has you repeating a part of your past story that is holding you back from growing in the present?  Are you re-traumatizing yourself by repeating that story over and over again and never giving yourself a chance to open to new possibilities that allow you to release that old story?

What parts of your story are you hoping no one else will discover?  Why?

Part of being on the path of personal growth is expanding your consciousness to encompass ALL of who you are.  Every part of your story is important in shaping you to be the person that you are today.  And this is true for everyone around you.

Own your story but do not be governed by it.  Be conscious of your responsibility to continue to grow.  Help others to grow by allowing them to have their own stories while keeping healthy boundaries for yourself.

And you can change your story!  There are many techniques available to help you to do this.  Empower yourself by taking the first step – write your story.  Then the work can begin.

PS: Spring Book Special: Get Your Woman On!  Embracing Beauty, Grace and the Power of Women – The Amazon Best Selling book that I co-authored with some amazing women – is available this month at a very special price – $12 with free shipping in the US and some great bonuses!  This would be an inspirational gift for Mother’s Day for a woman who would like to read 39 stories of transformation.  Here’s how to get your copy: Book Sale

INSPIRATION FROM ROSEMARY: What’s Your Story?

April 16, 2013 Leave a comment

Here’s Rosemary’s video for the week: “What’s Your Story?”

PS: Book sale! Spring Book Special: Get Your Woman On!  Embracing Beauty, Grace and the Power of Women – The Amazon Best Selling book that Rosemary co-authored with some amazing women – is available this month at a very special price – $12 with free shipping in the US and some great bonuses!  This would be an inspirational gift for Mother’s Day for a woman who would like to read 39 stories of transformation.  Here’s how to get your copy: Book Sale