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Gates, Thresholds, Departures and Arrivals!
Yesterday I posted a long sequence from my “Morning Pages” (The Artist’s Way) about change. I woke up that morning a bit on the irritable side and my mood was exacerbated by a series of innocuous events that sent me immediately to my pages, often a respite from the world of other people!
I took time to breathe, to reflect and to move into a whole new frame of mind. It was then that I decided to dismiss Mr. Irritation from my life. And one of the triggers that ushers irritation into my life is a violation of the rules, my rules. So, I decided that Mr. Rules needed to be dismissed right along with irritation, since they so often seem to enter my life hand-in-hand.
If you read yesterday’s post you may believe that I finished my pages and skipped across that threshold I describe and swept into Happiness! Well, I don’t know how things go for you, but as soon as I let the Universe know I am moving into a new space, a whole new pattern of being, I am immediately tested!
I re-entered the world of other people, opened the refrigerator to make my morning smoothie and out flew an open box of Yoohoo leaking a chocolate flavored concoction all over the bottom of the refrigerator and the kitchen floor. After a few choice words I tossed the container into the sink, thereby splattering more brown liquid everywhere (OK, my toss was not gentle!).
I took a breath, muttered a bit more about rules and open containers and finally caught myself (and the Universe) in the test of my commitment to a new behavior pattern. Yes, Mr. Irritation and Mr. Rules had not gone far at all and came knocking at their first opportunity. And I was right there at the door to let them in!
Change is not easy! It’s easy enough to write about Gateless Gates, Thresholds of Joy, Departures from irritability and a world of rules and Arrival into a new world of Happiness. I can picture myself in this new world; I can hold the image for long moments, especially while sitting on a cushion or writing or practicing qigong. But remaining there in that new world is a completely different exercise. It takes practice, lots of practice. The old habits influenced so heavily by Mr. Irritation and Mr. Rules are deeply etched pathways in my brain. New habits influenced by those fleeting feelings of joy and happiness barely scratch the surface of the neocortex and evaporate all too easily if not reinforced with awareness, repetition and practice.
Over the last few days I have been practicing often; in other words the tests keep on coming and giving me the opportunities to practice. And this is a good thing! How else will those mere scratches become indelible ruts of good, new habits? And as always it’s all about awareness, catching the old behavior and making the conscious choice to modify it as quickly as possible so the old ruts begin to fade as the new behavior “sinks in.”
Fortunately there are tools to help with this. All “consciousness building” tools can be put to good use: meditation, yoga, qigong, tai chi, journaling, prayer, contemplation, etc. are all methods to help build our conscious minds to come to our aid with awareness of every moment, every breath, to fill that awareness with realization of our True Nature and how to align our everyday behavior with that Nature.
How do you build your Consciousness? What methods do you employ to effect change in your life?
Self-Forgiveness as a form of Self-Love
In yesterday’s post I responded to Rosemary’s exploration about Self-Love – how it feels. And I touched on forgiveness as a way of letting go, freeing oneself of bonds that constrict one’s growth and interfere with Self-Love which in turn interferes with one’s ability to love at all!
Then it hits; the lesson! It seems that as soon as I begin to think deeply about something I get hit with the exact lesson to drive home the understanding! Yesterday we were under time-pressure to finalize Rosemary’s class for that evening, to put together the presentation and collect all the materials. Then the printer indicated low ink supply, so it was off to Staples for more. But here’s the thing: we had received a big discount offer in the mail earlier in the week; I planned to use it for more ink. The discount could only be used online but I did not get a chance to get the order placed. And now we needed ink immediately. I stormed out of the house, hair on fire with the time-crunch foremost in my mind, and raced off to get the additional supplies. Then to compound an already harried day, I left material behind when we raced off to the class. More rushing, now we are late, more storming around!
It’s tough to reach into Self for some Love under these circumstances! It can only start with forgiveness!
The lessons here are multi-layered but the main one is Self-forgiveness. I had intended to order the ink. But the week was busy and it didn’t get done. As it turned out I didn’t even need the ink yet; the printer only sent me a warning. Everything turned out fine, the class was a great success and my hair didn’t really catch on fire! And now I even have a story to base this post on!
I am calm now. And I did learn something today, again, that’s very important: every moment is a learning experience, or at least an opportunity. If we pause in the moment and ask: “What is this?” even in the midst of the chaos and flaming hair, then we can begin the learning process. If we get angry, impatient, frustrated, and harried there is no room for learning, and likely, no peace, no calm, no Love! But it is not an easy practice to stop in the midst of the chaos, deadlines, time-constraints and frustrating interruptions to ask: “What is this?” Yet, this is the lesson and this is why we are here!
And at the end of the day I even have to look back and forgive myself for not only my impatience and anger, but the failed practice! It just keeps on compounding!
But isn’t this what “practice” is all about? If it is no longer practice, then we would not need to be here. Our purpose will have been fulfilled.
For now I’m just going to keep on practicing. Self-forgiveness is a very big and necessary action for those of us with a lot of Wood Element in our make-up. This is a reference to the main element type, of five, that I resonate with from Dr. Charles Moss’ work: Power of the Five Elements. I am nearly finished with the book, a fantastic reference for anyone interested in Chinese Medicine, the Tao, acupuncture and health. (I will review the book here once I have finished my detailed read of it.) Here is just a sample of why this book is helping with my practice:
“Forgiveness and patience, the Virtues associated with the Wood Type, come from the vision and insight of the Wood energy. These Virtues can neutralize frustration, anger, impatience, and hostility (the toxic emotions and actions of the poorly adapted Wood Type) and create a path back to adaptation.”
My practice continues to transform the toxic emotions into these Virtues, to create a path to adaptation, or what Dr. Moss calls “knowing how to be.”
Fatigue and Qi
It was an exhausting day yesterday. Once again I had too many priorities to juggle. But at least everyone was back at work so there was some quiet time to move into the day. However, I did feel my thorns coming out on a few occasions; I worked hard to shed them!
It was final prep time for Rosemary’s Rainbow Balance Color Therapy class. I knew it would be a long day and was as prepared for it as I could be. We had all the materials, we had already begun the assembly process and the presentation contents were coming together well. While I wasn’t worried about time I knew I didn’t have any to spare.
I had thought I would go about my normal morning routine: morning tonic and hot tea, shower, pages, smoothie, qigong, etc. But, I made a mistake and sat at my computer to determine the day’s schedule and must dos before the evening’s class. And one thing led to another.
Nine hours later we grabbed a nibble and headed to class. Yes, most of those things that can go wrong did. And, no, none of those things I had planned my morning around happened. Did this upset me? Yes, it did.
Let’s just take Qigong as one part of my practice: after Qi Revolution with Jeff Primack a couple of weeks ago, I committed to practicing his Level 1 Form daily for 30 days. I did not enter into this agreement lightly. And I am working on my certification to teach this Level; practice is mandatory! Certification is two days away!
No practice, inadequate intake of food, no chance to really catch my breath. Everything for the class got done on time, and all turned out well. Rosemary and I even had fun with colors discovering a neat website that converts just about any kind of color code you can think of, from RGB codes to the paint manufacturers’ codes, etc!
After a successful class it was time to publish the weekly MuseLetter. Oh, yes, there was more to my priority list. And the content had not been completed for that yet either. Rosemary set to work writing…
And I got my Qigong practice in!
Then I went back to work.
So, why am I telling you all of this? From my article yesterday you can probably guess that I can get pretty prickly at times; my thorns can be sharp. But I’m working hard to trim them, to contain my energy, control it and be in the flow of the Qi. And I think it’s working. I’m not saying all was smooth; computers acted up, the printer crashed several times, the network was slow, our high-speed connection was neither at times. But we got through it and even laughed as good old Murphy stepped in to scramble our printer’s brain!
My Qigong practice is working. And now, late at night as I write I feel good about this. I am breathing, deeply, into my core. I am reaching down and out to gather, then drawing it back to deliver. The movements of the practice are etching themselves more deeply into my neural nets that are controlling it all. I wonder if my practice is beginning to show up in the lines of my hands! (I’ll have to have Rosemary take a look!)
So I close out the week feeling accomplished. I think my thorns are tucked away for now.
But you better confirm that with Rosemary!
It’s a Sign!!! – Richard’s Commentary
Inside-outside; optimism-pessimism; half-full-half-empty. There’s a spiral of thoughts here in Rosemary’s Exploration to digest. And somehow the article this week points directly at me!
I’ve been an optimist all my life. And I live a reasonably healthy internal life and do look for confirming signs all around me. And then I went to the doctor last week.
It’s funny Rosemary should use the example: “You might have been given a medical diagnosis that you don’t like.” My doctor visit, the first in several years, was just routine; I thought I should get a new base-line of all the numbers western medicine is so fond of analyzing. I feel in excellent health, eating well on a pretty strict regimen of raw nut, seed, fruit and vegetable smoothies for breakfast and lunch, exercising with yoga and qigong, meditating, working for myself and a pretty gentle boss (Rosemary); all good things right? So, the nurse took my blood pressure and seemed pretty alarmed; “all the celery in your smoothies doesn’t seem to be working” she remarked.
OK, I’ve had an issue with high blood pressure before; it’s a genetic condition. I have taken medication in the past but then controlled it reasonably well with Chinese herbs, acupuncture, etc. I thought I was good to go for life! Not so! The external sign here is a warning that things need to change even more.
And I am resisting this change; my resistance is not improving my blood pressure a bit! I am ignoring the external signs, but struggling to change the internal perspective in order to see the external signs change. While I remain an optimist my glass seems to be closer to empty than full! Am I fooling myself?
Since my experience at Qi Revolution with Jeff Primack I have been practicing his Level 1 Qigong Form every day. I am getting prepared for Level 1 training this Saturday. And I am planning to go for certification to teach Level 1 a week later on March 9th. I am optimistic that I can achieve this goal. I am changing my diet to include many of Jeff’s recommendations in his Conquering Any Disease book, following many of his suggestions for reducing high blood pressure (yep, more celery!) and curing heart disease. More internal changes.
Now, I realize this is a life-change and not an over-night change that I’m working on here. It’s only been a week since that doctor visit. But the optimist in me is looking for the external signs to support my internal changes. And my blood pressure remains high; that half-full glass is looking even more empty!
And the spiral continues, but in a downward spin. What is this about? All signs, whether they are inward or outward, point to lessons. There’s something karmic here; something much deeper than qigong practice and meditation. And I need to dig down where that spiral is drilling to wedge out this darkness that is shadowing my optimism. And no matter how deeply we dig for the lead or the gold, there is always another layer to dredge up, examine and alchemically transform. The signs point the way; they are critical signs to follow.
I am reading those signs carefully; I am taking my blood pressure multiple times a day. I am asking many questions and looking deeply in the dark mirror, working to clear it of dust. I am watching but not expecting new external signs any time soon. And that’s OK; I have time.
And I’m taking a newly prescribed drug (two, actually, in one pill). Yes, I have at least temporarily resorted to western medicine’s approach to my condition. I am hopeful this will improve my pressure and give me more time for the natural approach to kick in.
Yes, I read the sign, and while I didn’t like the direction it pointed, I realize there are many more lessons for this western man to learn, many more internal adjustments to make and many more years to practice!
Is Your Life Reflecting Your Values? — Richard’s Commentary
Rosemary always asks these pointed and difficult questions! Yes, I know they are good for me to reflect on, to answer, truthfully, for myself. And I actually thought this one would be reasonably easy for me to reply to and write this commentary. Then I took a second look!
A couple of years ago I did an exercise to clarify my values, to align them with my thinking, my philosophy. I made a list and prioritized it. I took a deep dive into this analysis, writing at length about these values I had come up with, what they mean to me and how I live by them. At the end of much thought I distilled the set of values down to two key ones: Practice and Love. In fact I even drew a diagram, a schematic to relate these two primal values: Practice –> Love.
No, this doesn’t mean my practices lead to love and it doesn’t mean if I practice well enough I will learn love. Maybe these meanings are overlays here, but these are two distinct values for me. I truly value that I am able to practice my various approaches to live a conscious life. Meditation, yoga, qigong, pages, poetry, … and any other consciousness raising practice that comes along that has potential for me is a key value. And how much more can I say about Love? Self, family, friends, community, humanity, life, Planet Earth, Nature, food, wine, beer making, wow…so much to love in life! And, clearly there is a relationship between practice and love. I love my practices. My practices help me better understand this whole sense of Love. Love improves my practices. It is complex and I can’t say that I even fully understand it when I write, and I often do: Practice –> Love.
But Rosemary’s question goes deeper here. Yes, she asks us to review our values, but more importantly to review our lives as they reflect those values we reaffirm! This is the key analysis, the driving question.
And I’ve spent the last several days, as part of our retreat weekend, reviewing and refining my answer. My answer initially is “no.” Oh sure, I’m doing a lot of practice, and I’m pleased with this. I also love: I am partnered with the love of my life. I am part of a loving family. My kids really do love me (at least they’ve done an awesome job of showing it!). But there’s a deeper level here I am reaching toward.
My exploration begins with the word “unconditional.” This is the quality of Love I’m reaching to attain. And this would then truly be the goal of Practice –> Love, my core values. I am not practicing unconditional love at every opportunity and therefore, my life is not reflecting this value.
That said I am working on it. This is my new level of Practice I’m striving to achieve. I suspect it is a life-long pursuit! But I have begun. Last evening, after Rosemary and I had returned from our retreat, our daughter stated, somewhat tongue-in-cheek, that she had been craving pancakes for breakfast and would I please get up to make her some next morning! Hmmm, on Wednesdays she leaves for work at 7:15; hey, I’m retired, and while I am working harder than ever before and enjoying it a whole lot more, my hours don’t include 7:15 am! I did not commit! But this morning I was awake at 6:30, wanting more sleep. I debated with myself for about 30 seconds, and then asked “what would I do if I held the value of unconditional love? Yeah, you guessed it; I got up and fixed daughter and two grandsons pancakes (two different kinds). And the surprise and smiles were well worth the few extra winks!
With this good experience as a launch point I have been challenging myself to come from unconditional love all day. I’ve failed multiple times! I had several errands to run which meant driving and encountering other drivers; always a stumbling block for me to keep my cool while driving, but at least I continued to pull myself back to my core value. I’m practicing!
How are you practicing your values this year?
“Think New Thoughts for 2013” – Richard’s Commentary
“Thoughts become things” according to Mike Dooley. They are things according to many current authors linking quantum fields and our brains (or should I say “minds”?). Our thoughts are certainly energy that is detectable, measurable and effective! The so called “new age” construct that we create our own reality through how we think and act, imagine and project our thoughts, ideas, visions into the world is becoming main stream science for those who are open and willing to explore these not-necessarily-self-evident concepts.
Then whether we believe this approach or not would seem not to matter; it’s not a matter of faith but a matter of science. We don’t believe in gravity; it’s a fact that objects near the earth respond to a force by falling to the earth. “Thoughts are things” is not a belief system but as real as gravity. There’s a lot of empirical evidence to back this up.
Therefore we really do have to be very aware of our thoughts, to monitor them, to assess and characterize them and to channel them in the direction we choose if we want to live a certain way. And this is particularly true if we want to change, improve the way we are living – evolve!
The way I look at this we need to be of “two minds.” We need our “active mind” to get us through the day. Part of this mind keeps us alive, running our physical bodies and responding to external stimulations as they pop up. And part of this mind is making decisions on a myriad of inputs; some decisions are almost automatic, based on habits and some are actual choices we are motivated to make based on priorities and plans. Then there is the second mind, the observer mind that assesses our life from another level. This could be called the “meta-mind” because it operates at the meta-level lifting out of the routine operations to passively monitor how we are doing. This could also be called the “mindful mind.”
Another common expression these days is “change your mind and change your life.” This could be the corollary to “thoughts become things.” These are easily expressed phrases, quickly becoming platitudes. But underlying their seemingly obvious simplicity things get a bit dicey. How many of you are sticking to your resolutions for 2013? That mind that runs on autopilot and habit consumes a huge percentage of our waking mental activity. It is not until we begin to assess how we are spending this “mind time” that we realize how much thought-energy is wasted. Don’t feel bad if you are already falling short on those resolutions. The routines you were living through in 2012, while not “hard-wired” into your brain, are a set of well worn pathways through neural networks laid down years ago. They are difficult to rewire!
The endless loops that play and replay in our minds are wasted energy. The knee-jerk emotional energy we expend on all the little, and sometimes big, annoyances in our lives is pretty much wasted – this emotional energy seldom accomplishes anything!
This is where the second, meta-mind comes in. We cannot change our minds, change our habits, change our responses unless we monitor, assess and evaluate the rightness and usefulness of those responses in the first place, when they occur.
A perfect example happened to me today. I was practicing qigong. My meta-mind should have been in high-gear, right? I was present, mindful, deeply into the practice. There were some people in the neighbor’s backyard talking and I could ignore them. Then our Lhasa Apso, Tara, came on the scene. At first she was attentive but quiet. Then as she detected the outside disturbance she let out a piercing bark. I almost jumped out of my skin! Then I scolded her for disrupting my practice. It took me several moments to re-collect myself and get back in my rhythm. Later as I was reviewing this I realized my reaction was not only out of habit but also unfair. Tara’s breed is from Tibet where Lhasas were raised as temple watchdogs. Their job was to alert meditating monks and masters if there was an intrusion into the monastery! Well, Tara was doing exactly what she was bred and raised to do! And she doesn’t have a meta-mind (at least as far as I can tell) so I had no right or reason to scold her! I’m the one with the meta-mind but it didn’t wake up until after my unfairness.
Exercising this meta-mind is no easy thing. This is why it is called “practice.” And it is through this practice that we can begin to “think new thoughts.”
How’s your 2013 practice coming along?
“Gratitude and Loving Yourself” a Commentary from Richard
Have you reviewed the video and commentary by Rosemary from her FREE weekly MuseLetter? I posted them over the past couple of days; if you want to receive them directly you can subscribe here. Today here are my thoughts on the support Rosemary offers for living a conscious life and her theme of the week, Gratitude and Loving Yourself:
Self-Love. Some days this is really difficult. Rosemary writes everything is perfect just as it is right now in this moment; everything is in agreement with The Plan; everything is unfolding just as it needs to, bringing the perfect Plan into reality. Yes, we have lessons and are learning lessons, everyday, with every unfolding moment. And as we learn these lessons we move into next moments that are also perfect because we have experienced (maybe even learned) these lessons.
And the first step toward self-love is gratitude for self and the lessons being learned. OK, then I have a lot to be grateful for! Examples abound every day. I just got back from the post office, went to get my reading glasses out of my pocket (where I “always” put them) only to come up short; no glasses. So I search every pocket, in the car and various places I may have left them. No luck. I get angry, especially with myself for misplacing my “stupid glasses”! (As if they were suppose to remember where I left them!)
Over-reaction? Of course! Yet another lesson in – what? Patience with myself, always putting things where they “belong”, mindfulness? I’m reminded of a Zen story about a monk who goes to his master believing he is ready for the test of enlightenment. The monk dashes through the rain and puddles with his trusty umbrella to his master’s hut, bows and humbly kneels before the master fully prepared. The master asks: “On which side of the door did you leave your umbrella?” Unable to answer the monk even more humbly withdraws to meditate on mindfulness for another 7 years!
Gratitude for the lessons is one of the lessons! I am alive and healthy and unharmed. I can return to the post office tomorrow to see if I left my glasses there. Meanwhile I have a spare pair. And they are only “drug-store” reading glasses; easily replaced. Were they worth the anger and upset at their loss? Of course not. Did my anger at myself gain anything other than upset that extended to others in my presence? Not at all. Did I learn a lesson here? Maybe. Will I lose something in the future. Certainly. And will I learn the lesson today so that the next time I lose that thing I can let it go, forgive myself for the lapse and move on? Only with continued practice!
We are all every moment of life practicing at being alive, being fully present, being conscious in every moment. This is what the lessons are all about: our opportunity to practice. And when we get pretty good at one lesson we get a new one to practice. This is where the acceptance comes in. This is where the self-forgiveness enters. When we are grateful for these opportunities we do, in fact, begin to move toward self-love.
I would add a second step toward this practice of self-love; the next step after gratitude is trust. We have to trust the Plan, that there is a Plan, that there is a purpose to it all. And we have to trust that our lessons are part of this Great Plan, that we are alive at this time with everyone and everything around us in perfect order and proper unfolding of the grand structure that is in process of becoming. I have to trust that losing my glasses today in some small, almost infinitesimal way, contributed to the process of becoming. One more opportunity to practice self-love in spite of my frustration with myself contributes to the Scheme.
This trust is part of the mystery. How can I possibly believe that my loss and my lesson on patience and self-forgiveness, self-love contribute to the Unfolding Perfection? There is no proof here; there is no evidence, not even a shred, that this incident is significant. But I trust that it is. And because I trust I continue to practice. And because I continue to practice, learn my lessons, I am ever so slowly improving myself, taking steps on my journey. And maybe, just maybe in some completely mysterious way, that I may never understand or realize, the world will be a better place.
Self-Love. Not a simple path. It begins with gratitude and moves to trust. And there is so much more…practice, practice, practice!
Men and The Goddess 