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Self-Forgiveness as a form of Self-Love
In yesterday’s post I responded to Rosemary’s exploration about Self-Love – how it feels. And I touched on forgiveness as a way of letting go, freeing oneself of bonds that constrict one’s growth and interfere with Self-Love which in turn interferes with one’s ability to love at all!
Then it hits; the lesson! It seems that as soon as I begin to think deeply about something I get hit with the exact lesson to drive home the understanding! Yesterday we were under time-pressure to finalize Rosemary’s class for that evening, to put together the presentation and collect all the materials. Then the printer indicated low ink supply, so it was off to Staples for more. But here’s the thing: we had received a big discount offer in the mail earlier in the week; I planned to use it for more ink. The discount could only be used online but I did not get a chance to get the order placed. And now we needed ink immediately. I stormed out of the house, hair on fire with the time-crunch foremost in my mind, and raced off to get the additional supplies. Then to compound an already harried day, I left material behind when we raced off to the class. More rushing, now we are late, more storming around!
It’s tough to reach into Self for some Love under these circumstances! It can only start with forgiveness!
The lessons here are multi-layered but the main one is Self-forgiveness. I had intended to order the ink. But the week was busy and it didn’t get done. As it turned out I didn’t even need the ink yet; the printer only sent me a warning. Everything turned out fine, the class was a great success and my hair didn’t really catch on fire! And now I even have a story to base this post on!
I am calm now. And I did learn something today, again, that’s very important: every moment is a learning experience, or at least an opportunity. If we pause in the moment and ask: “What is this?” even in the midst of the chaos and flaming hair, then we can begin the learning process. If we get angry, impatient, frustrated, and harried there is no room for learning, and likely, no peace, no calm, no Love! But it is not an easy practice to stop in the midst of the chaos, deadlines, time-constraints and frustrating interruptions to ask: “What is this?” Yet, this is the lesson and this is why we are here!
And at the end of the day I even have to look back and forgive myself for not only my impatience and anger, but the failed practice! It just keeps on compounding!
But isn’t this what “practice” is all about? If it is no longer practice, then we would not need to be here. Our purpose will have been fulfilled.
For now I’m just going to keep on practicing. Self-forgiveness is a very big and necessary action for those of us with a lot of Wood Element in our make-up. This is a reference to the main element type, of five, that I resonate with from Dr. Charles Moss’ work: Power of the Five Elements. I am nearly finished with the book, a fantastic reference for anyone interested in Chinese Medicine, the Tao, acupuncture and health. (I will review the book here once I have finished my detailed read of it.) Here is just a sample of why this book is helping with my practice:
“Forgiveness and patience, the Virtues associated with the Wood Type, come from the vision and insight of the Wood energy. These Virtues can neutralize frustration, anger, impatience, and hostility (the toxic emotions and actions of the poorly adapted Wood Type) and create a path back to adaptation.”
My practice continues to transform the toxic emotions into these Virtues, to create a path to adaptation, or what Dr. Moss calls “knowing how to be.”
The 5-Elements of the Tao
I love the way the Universe works. When I can take a breath, step back and observe, I am in awe that everything works! From the micro to the macro, from above to below, there is such beauty and bliss. And I am particularly inspired by the synchronicity of it all!
I just finished my Svaroopa Yoga class with a good and long-time friend, Dharma. As always it was gentle, he is so calm and peaceful, the asanas were relatively “easy”, and I came away stretched and balanced. And I believe it felt good and easy because I’ve been practicing Qigong pretty seriously all week. Overall I feel stronger and my balance has improved! Tomorrow I am back in my long-term Qigong class where we learn about “spontaneous healing” and practice 5-Element Qigong. And to top off the week I am on my way to Baltimore on Saturday for more Level 1 Qigong Form training with Jeff Primack, founder of the Qi Revolution!
And the beauty, the synchronicity continues! I have been developing a workshop after some excellent coaching with another friend, Ken Ellis. I have been questioning for years what to present to a group of men to help us all through development of “emotional maturity”. I have been motivated by many of my teachers from Robert Bly to Martín Prechtel to Robert Moore, to name a few. An idea began to form through my 5-Element Qigong practice. Ken urged me on and drew out of me a fascinating outline for a workshop. And there my concept languished since last summer.
Very recently the true beauty of the Universe unfolded another lotus petal and synchronicity struck again. This blog, Men and The Goddess, attracted the attention of a fellow blogger, Ellis Nelson. Of course, I checked out her blog: EllisNelson.com, and there it was, her review of a book that fits my scheme beautifully: Power of the Five Elements by Charles A. Moss, MD. I read a few additional reviews, ordered it immediately and have been pouring through it since it arrived. It is a perfect fit, a companion piece to exactly what I have in mind for my workshop.
I will write my own review of Dr. Moss’ book when I’ve finished reading it thoroughly. In short this work is not only confirming my own thinking about the 5 elements, it is expanding on the material I have already gathered. Beyond helping with my workshop development, it is helping me, directly impacting on how I perceive the world and how the world perceives me! Not only has this book confirmed my element, it has pegged me in every way; it has identified my strengths and weakness, my blessings and my faults, my motivations, outlook and fears. It has had quite an impact on me.
For me this confirms the ancient wisdom embodied in the Tao. As I work with material like Dr. Moss presents, practice 5-element qigong, work with the I Ching, continue my reading of Taoist literature it all comes together to form a beautiful whole. This is becoming a true Way for me. The signs are unmistakable!
And the Way flows on and the Universe unfolds a petal at a time. My qigong practice intensifies as I begin training for certification to become a qigong teacher. All of the 5 Elements are coming together to show me the Way of all the individuals in my life. And the workshop I am developing for presentation this summer is flowering into reality.
We have entered the month of March. Here in the Northern Hemisphere signs of spring are popping up everywhere. It’s a beautiful Universe and we are all alive at an amazing time!
Blessings!
Monday’s Poem; and the I Ching for the Month
I have two offerings for today to start your week and your “moonth” as the New Moon from this past Friday begins to swell into our consciousness. First Monday’s Poem:
I wrote this as a reminder of three important virtues I want to hold firmly in mind as I work to transform my too often negative and troublesome emotions to these virtues to lift my consciousness and grow a healthier attitude.
Love, Forgiveness, Gratitude
Three acts for 2013:
Love, where it all begins
And ends.
The circle of everything
Turns with the tides
As the Moon loves down.
Forgiveness, in the middle,
The hinge.
It all turns on this act
Swinging round and round
As a gateless gate for passage.
Gratitude, the end,
No end.
Turning about the center
Where it all rests
As we give thanks and praise.
Love, Forgiveness, Gratitude:
Grace.
©2013 Richard W. Bredeson. All rights reserved.
The I Ching Gua I cast for the next four weeks, the last month before the Chinese New Year, February 10, is an interesting one. Using my yarrow stalks I cast five yin yao, all 8s, before I cast the final yang yao, a 7. The hexagram looks like this:
This is Bo and using Alfred Huang’s The Complete I Ching it means “Falling Away.” The lower trigram is Earth or Kun and the upper trigram is Mountain or Gen. So we have the mountain resting on a stack of yin lines which is pretty unstable. Think of a landslide as the mountain tumbles down to the low lands.
The Decision of this Gua is:
Falling Away.
Unfavorable to have somewhere to go.
For those of you interested in the I Ching you can pursue the meaning of this gua farther as you will with your trusted references. Here’s my take on the gua and the timing of it:
This is a good time to go inside, look inward for stability. This is the last month before the New Year. It is a good time to seek stability in this unstable time. Clean up, clean out, get organized. Sweep away the decaying underpinnings and get ready for the year of the Snake.
Contemplate all of those things that are not working. Let them go. Meditate on new things that might work better and bring some new stability. The mutual gua of Bo is Kun – Earth over Earth, Responding, Receiving. Again, look to receive some inner guidance.
Note also there are no changing lines in this gua. So the situation is stagnant. Again the message is to wait it out and seek inner guidance.
This is my interpretation of this gua for me at this time. It may or may not apply to you and your situation or the times themselves. But as our government seems locked in turmoil and stagnation this just might be an appropriate gua for others. In any case it is always good to go inside to seek guidance.
And this mid-winter time is a great time to just be with what is.

PS: To start 2013 off with incredible guidance from The Divine Feminine you can get the 8 recordings Rosemary made at the end of 2012 during her Wisdom of the Week (WOW) calls. Get them here.
Love and Self-Love: Part 2
(Post-Epilogue: Today, November 30, I broke one of my special, probably most precious, Yixing teapots, one that I’ve had with me for years. Another loss, this one more permanent than misplaced reading glasses and a lot closer to my heart. Lesson? Another one; very hard this time? Really? Clearly I am in a fast-paced learning mode at this stage of my journey!)
Self-Love. Not a simple path. Practice Love; begin with self!
It is even difficult to go back to my last post and read my own words on this subject. How do I love self, the clumsy oaf who swept his pot from the counter in an over-exuberant flourish? But life hasn’t stopped and I must Love on!
My first step in working through the lesson today, the loss of another precious object, is to accept impermanence. It’s all just temporary, right? Let go. Yes, of course, grieve the loss. But within the grief is the built-in praise. I can certainly find gratitude for all the years of service the pot gave me. My memories of pouring tea from it, admiring the design, experiencing the beautiful color develop over the years of use are still with me to celebrate. This is another reminder of the cycle in everything; the pot began as dirt in a ditch in China; the dirt was harvested, hopefully with ceremony, thanksgiving and praise; then it was processed into clay, worked, hand-shaped, finished and fired; somehow it made it all the way from China to me safely; and now it returns to dust.
When I worked with micaceous clay in New Mexico with master potter, Felipe Ortega, we experienced the entire life-cycle of the clay. I made several small pots; and while my first attempts were nothing to take pictures of, they were special to me. One of the assignments, we later learned, was to sacrifice a pot to the Holy. We each broke one of our pots against a post as an offering, as a way of giving thanks for the clay and for our hands that shaped the clay, and the Holy who shaped us all. The shards remained in that spot for years afterward. And we each took a shard from that pile of rubble to grind down and incorporated into our next pot; the cycle was unbroken.
I can do this with a shard from my teapot. I can keep it going, giving, by recycling it in a personal and useful way. The object doesn’t go away, it only changes its shape. “Pots are fashioned from clay, but it’s the emptiness that makes a pot work.” – Taoteching, Ch. 11. The pot may be impermanent, but the clay is still there as is the emptiness!
As another step in the learning, can I turn the curse at my ill luck at breaking the pot into a blessing? This is another practice I learned in Bolad’s Kitchen with Martín Prechtel. Oh, yes, I did curse myself, my luck, my inattention, my carelessness, my mindlessness as I watched the pot tumble to the floor and become shards. Then I withdrew before my anger spilled over too far to hit others in the path of my negative energy, the antithesis of self-love. And I went inside for awhile. And as I write I am still processing, learning to do it through words coming from the inside rather than holding it all in where it churns and festers. Where are the blessings that come from this loss? In a sense I have already done some of this work, thanking the pot for its years of service. But what about me? Can I find a way to bless me through this lesson? This is where it gets really hard!
I am here, at the keyboard, writing words that will help me work through the curses that I can’t take back. I am letting go the anger, giving it to the compost heap where it can metabolize back into usefulness rather than metastasize within me. And I can recall the years with the pot and all the use it gave me and the care I gave it during those years; we took good care of each other for a good long time. And I can place the pot in a corner of my mind to remind me to come back, cycle back to the present moment. And I can know that the pot can help me pay attention to everything in the moment; to expand my awareness beyond a narrow focus and take in my environment, appreciating very thing around me and near and dear to me.
So, I bless myself for my deep thought, my appreciation for fine things, my attention to detail and my broad and extraordinary experiences that come together to inform and refine my approach to life, and the impermanence that threads through it All.
And with moist eyes I come back to Love, even self-love as I accept my blessings and learn a bit more about forgiveness.



