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The Story is Not the Person! – Richard’s Commentary-Part 2
“The story is not the person.” But the person is part of the human story, as I wrote in my post yesterday. There is so much to Rosemary’s article posted Wednesday that I wanted to come at it from another angle.
She wrote of boundaries that people have that must be respected. We have them to protect our inner vulnerabilities. We all have these soft spots that can cause us great harm if exposed (at least that’s what we believe). But these boundaries can also become barriers to growth, to expansion, to the evolution of human consciousness I wrote about yesterday. There is a balance needed here that I want to explore today.
Rosemary writes: “Each of us has a responsibility to ourselves and to others to learn how to live in community with the people around us. We are not private islands with ‘No Trespassing’ signs on our foreheads! The most important lesson to learn about living in a civilized society is to learn what healthy boundaries are. Learn what to let in and what belongs to the other person.”
The question this begs is what are these healthy boundaries? Until we gain the answer here we may be hiding behind unhealthy boundaries (barriers) and blocking our own growth.
We all have secrets. We are human, we grow up in human families with foibles, stresses and all the baggage of generations of growing up in human families. Some secrets like those from our youth don’t necessarily need to see the light of day. If they served their purpose in teaching us then they can remain hidden; no harm done.
But if we have not yet learned the lessons from these secrets then perhaps they do need to be aired, to see the light. This is particularly true if the secrets, the unlearned lessons, are blocking our growth in some way.
Another form of boundary is the façade we erect to pretend we are someone other than the person we know on the inside. This is our persona; and we all have them. In fact we likely have several of them we “wear” in different situations. And this too is OK. We don’t necessarily want to expose the “real” person behind the persona in every social situation.
But if we always hide behind a persona in every situation we may be hiding something even from ourselves that needs to be examined. Our persona may form a barrier to our own true story that we need to understand. That story is the base for our expansion, growth, evolution.
The healthy boundary comes from a balance between over-exposure and hiding, between blurting out old, irrelevant information and withholding information that might help us better understand ourselves and others. With healthy boundaries in place we can move easily in society, learn as we interact with others and grow beyond those boundaries.
As Rosemary concludes: “Own your story but do not be governed by it. Be conscious of your responsibility to continue to grow. Help others to grow by allowing them to have their own stories while keeping healthy boundaries for yourself.”
Do you “own your story”? Does it set up healthy boundaries or barriers to your growth? The place to begin to answer these questions is to write your story down. It may have some lessons, some hidden gems that need to be mined!
The Story is Not the Person! – Richard’s Commentary
“The story is not the person.” And often the story is not the story, at least not the whole story. I think that is one of Rosemary’s points.
I had the great privilege over a number of years to “sit at the feet” of Robert Bly. One of his “lessons” was to examine a story or poem on at least three levels: the concrete, the psychological and the mythical. And even then large swaths of a story can be glossed over or missed entirely.
At the concrete level, the story is never the person. You can’t know much at all from this level. It is superficial at best. To use a well worn cliché it’s like judging a story-book by its cover. I am a great fan of science fiction; I can never guess what a book is about from looking at the typically lurid cover! These days you certainly can’t judge anything from clothes. Styles are all over the map and casual is becoming formal in many venues! For those who are well trained and experienced in sensory acuity there are deeper layers to the concrete level that can be observed. Milton Erickson pioneered the use of body language in his hypnotherapy work and could utilize a subtle movement, twitch or flush to take a patient into deeper trance. And this brings us to the psychological level of the story.
Rosemary’s point that “the story is not the person” is much about this psychological level, the back-story, the underlying elements to a person that are buried behind the external persona. Sometimes this deeper part of the story is hidden even from one’s self. Our layers of beliefs for example are not necessarily something we dwell on to determine our current motivations or reactions to situations. It is this psychological level that gets protected, especially the shadow components of our makeup…and we all have them. Our boundaries protect this area and need that respect Rosemary urges us to observe.
And it is this level that we need to take into consideration when interacting with people. We all have our psychological stories. Some we can feel free and even good about sharing. Some remain hidden, protected behind our walls of privacy. The point here is to realize every one of our encounters with a person involves a hidden layer that needs our understanding and respect. We have our boundaries and they have theirs; let the unrevealed layers be a part of the mystery of the encounter.
It is at the mythic layer to the story where we can have some fun. And I don’t mean to make fun but to be inventive, creative in our approach to interacting with others. At some level we humans are all archetypes; we embody all the mythical gods and goddesses, the legendary figures from history, the stories of golden ages with mythic heroes and heroines from pre-history. Bly’s approach to analyze a poem or a story at the mythic level is to look for the archetypal, the over-arching theme that holds deeper meaning beyond the superficial and even the mental levels; the god-like meanings that underpin the entire arch of the story. And we can apply this approach to our encounter with others. Ask, what part of the greater mythology of human existence is this person playing, in his life, in my life, in the greater context of human evolution!
That’s right! Every one of us is playing a role, our personally designed role, in the expanding story of human evolution, the evolution of consciousness! This is exciting, scary, sobering, even mind-boggling. And it’s true.
So, next time when you meet someone, a friend, an acquaintance, even a stranger, ask yourself what role that someone is playing in the unfolding mythology of humanity!
ROSEMARY’S EXPLORATION: The Story is Not the Person!
Everyone around you has a story and you have only heard the part of the story that they want you to hear. Everyone has a part of themselves that is hidden away, being protected, staying safe by not being revealed. Behavior is not the story. Behavior is often the cover-up for the story.
When you understand this about the people around you it is easier to be gentle with those folks. What if that person just lost a loved one and doesn’t feel comfortable sharing that with you? What if that person was so horribly abused as a child that they cannot bear to be hugged by anyone because it re-traumatizes them? What if that person just got off the phone from a very disturbing conversation and they are in the middle of processing the information when you try to talk to them?
There is an endless list of possibilities for what is going on in another person’s life and most items on that list have nothing to do with you. Do you keep this in mind when you interact with other people? Can you be sympathetic to the part of the story that they are protecting from exposure and give them the benefit of the doubt?
Each of us has a responsibility to ourselves and to others to learn how to live in community with the people around us. We are not private islands with ‘No Trespassing’ signs on our foreheads! The most important lesson to learn about living in a civilized society is to learn what healthy boundaries are. Learn what to let in and what belongs to the other person.
Asking others to respect your boundaries includes allowing them to ask the same of you. Some people have very private stories behind the fence of their boundary and that is theirs to protect. By the same token, you are allowed to hold parts of yourself private from public scrutiny and anyone who doesn’t respect that boundary does not get the privilege of interacting with you.
In learning how to interact with others in a healthy way it is important that you know your own story. What motivates you? What has happened in your past that is influencing your present? What parts of you have you disowned that are lurking in your shadow bag waiting to be rediscovered and reintegrated? With whom have you had an interaction that might influence your current relationships with baggage from the past connection?
Study your story. Write it out. Do a timeline of your own life. It can be useful to do a timeline of your parents’ lives as you know them, or as they can share with you, and compare that with your own. Sometimes we can uncover hidden beliefs about ourselves by noticing what has moved onto our timeline from our parents.
Notice when you get stuck in your story instead of continuing to create it. Are you in a loop that has you repeating a part of your past story that is holding you back from growing in the present? Are you re-traumatizing yourself by repeating that story over and over again and never giving yourself a chance to open to new possibilities that allow you to release that old story?
What parts of your story are you hoping no one else will discover? Why?
Part of being on the path of personal growth is expanding your consciousness to encompass ALL of who you are. Every part of your story is important in shaping you to be the person that you are today. And this is true for everyone around you.
Own your story but do not be governed by it. Be conscious of your responsibility to continue to grow. Help others to grow by allowing them to have their own stories while keeping healthy boundaries for yourself.
And you can change your story! There are many techniques available to help you to do this. Empower yourself by taking the first step – write your story. Then the work can begin.
PS: Spring Book Special: Get Your Woman On! Embracing Beauty, Grace and the Power of Women – The Amazon Best Selling book that I co-authored with some amazing women – is available this month at a very special price – $12 with free shipping in the US and some great bonuses! This would be an inspirational gift for Mother’s Day for a woman who would like to read 39 stories of transformation. Here’s how to get your copy: Book Sale
INSPIRATION FROM ROSEMARY: What’s Your Story?
Here’s Rosemary’s video for the week: “What’s Your Story?”
PS: Book sale! Spring Book Special: Get Your Woman On! Embracing Beauty, Grace and the Power of Women – The Amazon Best Selling book that Rosemary co-authored with some amazing women – is available this month at a very special price – $12 with free shipping in the US and some great bonuses! This would be an inspirational gift for Mother’s Day for a woman who would like to read 39 stories of transformation. Here’s how to get your copy: Book Sale
MONDAY’S POEM: Breathe
I have been writing a lot about transformation, change, rhythms and cycles, birth, death, beginnings and endings. I received news Sunday that a dear friend in England, after a valiant struggle with cancer is transitioning, taking a last breath of the Mother’s air before moving through a new birth into some other dimension we don’t totally recognize but know is there. It occurs to me that any such transformation requires breath. We must breathe into newness. First breaths; last breaths.
Breathing is so natural, mostly completely automatic; unconscious; meant to keep us alive. Transformative breathing needs to be conscious. And then I found this poem I wrote a few days ago as I thought about my Qigong practice and meditative breath-work. I hope you find it transformative!
Breathe
In
Deep
Down
Belly out
To toes
Fill up
Higher
Expand
Stretch ribs
Open throat
Wide nose
Fill eyes
Crown lights
Hold
Accept;
Out
Slow
Top
Relaxing
To ribs
Press in
Backwards
Contract
Press belly
Flatten
To spine
Ease root
Empty
Let go
Release.
Repeat.
©2013 Richard W. Bredeson. All rights reserved.
ARIES and the I Ching for the “Moonth”
I’ve been doing a lot of thinking about my post yesterday. Is there a conflict between all the energies in the House of Aries and the I Ching which seems to be urging caution? I’ve received more astrological guidance and I’ll be sharing some of my musings on this conjunction of these energies.
First a “word” from dear friend, teacher and intuitive astrologer, Chris Largent, about Aries:
1. Spring is expansive, so it’s a great time to get out and celebrate. The winter brought with it unconscious and other-dimensional processes, and we worked hard – usually without knowing it. So, we need to rest and have fun. The symbols now are particularly good for getting out in nature – any kind of nature.
2. The ‘Big Transition’ aspect is back and will be with us through early 2014. Since this symbolizes a shake-up in collective consciousness, we may feel an urgency or an awakening relative to our destinies as culture changers.
In fact, a combination of present aspects symbolizes the Big Kid in us going out to play, the Contemplative Adult reflecting quietly, AND the Serious Change-Agent breaking free of oppressive programming to help liberate the world. This gives all of us plenty to do.
3. As a result, we may also experience a tension between the old world and the new one, out there where “the wind blows” and “wild things run.” We may feel an inner resistance to leaving the “medieval fort” of conventionality. And we may even find apparently good reasons for clinging to the old when new ways of being confront us – which they do constantly now.
So, it’s a time to be alert to our resistance and our destinies – along with resting and playing.
And here is more from Gloria Hesseloff, especially about that “medieval fort” image Chris conjures:
“The New Moon in Aries focuses on the energies of the Divine Masculine, which is very different from the patriarchy. … Energetically, this feels like a fortuitous time to invoke the Sacred Masculine to join forces with the Divine Feminine in putting a powerful hold on the old, less evolved, dominating patriarchy that has abused Mars/Aries energy with war and violence.
- Aries is ruled by Mars. Evolved Mars is more a protector than an aggressor.
- Mars is considered the Warrior.
- Let us be Warriors for Higher Consciousness…Peaceful Warriors, Spiritual Warriors, Wise Warriors, Spirit in Action.
- We can generate an “energy field” that contains the heart & soul of the Warrior.
- This can be sent to areas around the world to promote peace.
- This field can be applied to our daily lives where we courageously go after what we desire. This is the time to be the hero or heroine in your own life!”
And then there is the I Ching energy of “encounter” (especially with young, energetic women) and “retreat.” Note that for both the initial and approached Gua the yin lines are in an advancing position moving upward toward the yang dominated top of the Gua. My feeling is there is a lot of feminine energy in this Aries configuration; in fact Venus too is in the “warrior house” clearly influencing, not necessarily softening, the energy! Here’s what I wrote about all this in my pages:
“Encounter is with the Goddess! She is referred to as a “strong maiden” in King Wen’s Decision. Who is she? This is about feminine energy in this Aries House. Venus is in Aries along with Mars. She is strengthened by Mars’ presence, closeness (a bit over 2 degrees separation at this point). In fact it may be this Mars energy that is in “retreat” from the strong feminine. Balance remains a key word for this time within Equinox energy. Balance the masculine and feminine energy within and all around. And, yes, there may need to be a retreat before the strength of the feminine in order to achieve this balance. Gloria referred to the Divine Masculine as the powerful, generative King Archetype. Perhaps his retreat is into his feminine, creative power.
“There is strength in retreat. I visualize a time of gathering strength, building potential for what is coming (the “Big Transition”). I visualize the final stages of the worm within her chrysalis, a deep retreat into this desiccated state just before the emergence of the true creature in her brilliance and beauty. The Goddess emerges from her entombment to dry her wings in the light and complete the cycle of life, from cellular egg to crawling worm to gossamer flight.
“It is time to submerge into the energy of this powerful Aries time to gather strength for the emergence. The Goddess will empower this emergence. But there remains the cautionary note of Gou! This is powerful feminine energy to encounter. Treat it with utmost respect. Bow before the power or risk its loss and backlash!”
I think I have resolved any perceived conflict in my mind. How are you dealing with all this power both “out there” and within?
ROSEMARY’S EXPLORATION: What’s New with You?
Where is the newness in your life? Are you in a rut? In a routine that doesn’t allow you time and/or space to grow?
Now is the time to explore the ways in which you have gotten stuck and are holding yourself back from your expansive greatness. Sometimes it seems easier to stay put, to stay where things are simple, uncomplicated, the same. But are you growing?
If you are alive in a human body then there is something more for you to learn. That’s what the human life is all about. We are learning machines, from the moment we’re born and we have to figure out how to get around in this physical world.
Babies are growing and exploring and trying new things all the time. All those ‘No!’ messages are helping the baby to learn what can and can’t be done, what’s safe and what’s not, what’s accepted and what’s not. As we get older we start giving ourselves those ‘No!’ messages for very different reasons.
What would you like to learn or explore that you are telling yourself ‘No!’ so you will stop exploring? What learning experience are you denying yourself because of a list of reasons that might, possibly, be excuses for maintaining the status quo? How are you holding yourself back?
Brain science is discovering fascinating things about how we think and how we can change our thoughts. Every thought either reinforces a previous thought or creates its new pattern in our brain. The thoughts we repeat deepen the groove of that thought and make it easier to revisit. New thoughts must be repeated to create a deeper pattern and, if left unvisited, will wither away.
What are your patterns of thinking and what would you like to change? There are techniques for making those changes, and to change your mind you have to be conscious of your old patterns and the new patterns that you want to reinforce. You can do this!
And what new stimulus is there in your environment to keep you growing? Or are you content with the status quo and resisting forward motion?
Living a Conscious Life requires that you accept yourself on a path of growth and that you are proactive about seeking to expand your awareness and advance your understanding. You are not the kind of human being who believes you are done learning new things and are content to sit around without exploring any new ideas. You challenge yourself to grow and to explore.
This task is not as easy in a vacuum as it is with a like-minded tribe. Who is your Consciousness Tribe? With whom can you explore ideas, share thoughts without concern about judgment or condemnation? Where are the people who will challenge you to consider a viewpoint that you haven’t considered before? Do you have these folks in your sphere?
Or are you content to hang out with people who represent the ‘you’ of decades ago, who will not challenge you to think outside the box of your old ideas?
Your tribe is yours to find. Sometimes we need a new tribe. Sometimes our tribe grows with us and we can stay with the same explorers while we all expand our consciousness.
Are you being challenged to find something new in your life? Ponder this thought today and then look around you and your day-to-day life. Maybe it’s time to try on something new and see how it fits.
What’s new with you today?
PS: New! Spring Book Special: Get Your Woman On! Embracing Beauty, Grace and the Power of Women – The Amazon Best Selling book that Rosemary co-authored with some amazing women – is available this month at a very special price – $12 with free shipping in the US and some great bonuses! This would be an inspirational gift for Mother’s Day for a woman who would like to read 39 stories of transformation. Here’s how to get your copy: Book Sale
INSPIRATION FROM ROSEMARY: What’s New?
Rosemary’s video for the week: What’s New?
PS: Book sale! Spring Book Special: Get Your Woman On! Embracing Beauty, Grace and the Power of Women – The Amazon Best Selling book that Rosemary co-authored with some amazing women – is available this month at a very special price – $12 with free shipping in the US and some great bonuses! This would be an inspirational gift for Mother’s Day for a woman who would like to read 39 stories of transformation. Here’s how to get your copy: Book Sale
Consciousness Building Tools and Monday’s Poem: Light of the World
Last Friday I posted some thoughts on our ability as humans to change. I suggested that change is not easy; old habits are difficult to modify; new thought-patterns require repetition, practice. And I suggested that there are many “consciousness building tools” we can employ to help us with our practice, our changes. As I write these high-sounding words of confidence and positive thought about evolutionary change I too need these tools, cling to them for help. And one such tool I use is visualization. I have written before about the Merkaba and visualizing the power that inner energy center can generate. I begin with a chakra balancing meditation that leads to visualizing the interlocking, spinning tetrahedrons. I use this visualization to empower my day, especially when I know I need to reinforce new behaviors and overrule old patterns. Today’s poem came out of one such visualization meditation:
Light of the World
Whirling centers,
Gravitational holes
Open and balance
To steady vibration.
Colors radiant
In brilliant hues
Beam up and out
From deep to high.
Around the core
The dynamos turn
Eight points spark
To life and arc.
The image appears
At the nexus of power
Still and calm
With steady gaze.
And the energy builds
To dazzling bursts.
The heart of Man blazes,
The Light of the World.
©2013 Richard W. Bredeson. All rights reserved.
Gates, Thresholds, Departures and Arrivals!
Yesterday I posted a long sequence from my “Morning Pages” (The Artist’s Way) about change. I woke up that morning a bit on the irritable side and my mood was exacerbated by a series of innocuous events that sent me immediately to my pages, often a respite from the world of other people!
I took time to breathe, to reflect and to move into a whole new frame of mind. It was then that I decided to dismiss Mr. Irritation from my life. And one of the triggers that ushers irritation into my life is a violation of the rules, my rules. So, I decided that Mr. Rules needed to be dismissed right along with irritation, since they so often seem to enter my life hand-in-hand.
If you read yesterday’s post you may believe that I finished my pages and skipped across that threshold I describe and swept into Happiness! Well, I don’t know how things go for you, but as soon as I let the Universe know I am moving into a new space, a whole new pattern of being, I am immediately tested!
I re-entered the world of other people, opened the refrigerator to make my morning smoothie and out flew an open box of Yoohoo leaking a chocolate flavored concoction all over the bottom of the refrigerator and the kitchen floor. After a few choice words I tossed the container into the sink, thereby splattering more brown liquid everywhere (OK, my toss was not gentle!).
I took a breath, muttered a bit more about rules and open containers and finally caught myself (and the Universe) in the test of my commitment to a new behavior pattern. Yes, Mr. Irritation and Mr. Rules had not gone far at all and came knocking at their first opportunity. And I was right there at the door to let them in!
Change is not easy! It’s easy enough to write about Gateless Gates, Thresholds of Joy, Departures from irritability and a world of rules and Arrival into a new world of Happiness. I can picture myself in this new world; I can hold the image for long moments, especially while sitting on a cushion or writing or practicing qigong. But remaining there in that new world is a completely different exercise. It takes practice, lots of practice. The old habits influenced so heavily by Mr. Irritation and Mr. Rules are deeply etched pathways in my brain. New habits influenced by those fleeting feelings of joy and happiness barely scratch the surface of the neocortex and evaporate all too easily if not reinforced with awareness, repetition and practice.
Over the last few days I have been practicing often; in other words the tests keep on coming and giving me the opportunities to practice. And this is a good thing! How else will those mere scratches become indelible ruts of good, new habits? And as always it’s all about awareness, catching the old behavior and making the conscious choice to modify it as quickly as possible so the old ruts begin to fade as the new behavior “sinks in.”
Fortunately there are tools to help with this. All “consciousness building” tools can be put to good use: meditation, yoga, qigong, tai chi, journaling, prayer, contemplation, etc. are all methods to help build our conscious minds to come to our aid with awareness of every moment, every breath, to fill that awareness with realization of our True Nature and how to align our everyday behavior with that Nature.
How do you build your Consciousness? What methods do you employ to effect change in your life?
Men and The Goddess 